My eyes drifted back to my parents’ faces, and the question that had been burning in me since Griff arrived at my doorstep finally found its voice.
“Andrei?” I hesitated. “How did they die?”
His shoulders shrunk inward, but he did not shy away from myquestion. “Over fifty years ago, the Veil began to fail. Tatters appeared at the edges. Hufen began overwhelming us, even coming so far as to attack us here at Valdris. Darkness overtook the sun. On Blathaine—the day of the spring equinox when we should be rejoicing the end of winter and the return of spring—an army approached, with overwhelming odds. There was no hope left. We prepared to make our final stand, but everyone knew it was futile.” He paused, searching for the right words.
“I don’t think I can accurately convey the terror of those times. Your parents had just recently been crowned. Their channels complemented each other’s perfectly. Between the two of them, they had all seven. Through their mating bond, they were able to join their powers and essences together, pouring their joint life force into the Veil to heal it. I can’t imagine how they were able to do that, but love is a powerful motivator, and mating bonds have a special magic all their own. And they didn’t do it alone. Your father’s sister, Violet, your godsmother”—he pointed out her portrait, the woman I had first noticed when I walked in—“was also incredibly powerful, with all seven channels herself, and she sacrificed herself to light up the sky, driving the darkness back and giving your parents time to make their sacrifice. The three of them saved us all.”
Growing up, whenever I had asked about my parents’ deaths, Nana had told me it was a tragic accident, then she had let slip when Griff appeared that it was part of a battle. But to know that they had willingly chosen to sacrifice themselves, chosen to leave me, in order to save the entire world… I didn’t know how to feel.
And I didn’t know what decision I would have made, if faced with that same choice.
Andrei’s eyes filled with tears and memories. “You were everything to them, Lexa.Everything. You were the reason they had to try to save the world—so you could live in it.”
“Will you take me?” I stared down at my feet. “To where they fell?”
He was silent for so long I looked up at him, finding his expression somber. “Come with me.”
Andrei led me out of the castle, past the walls, and up a fairly steep incline to a cliff. The city spread out below us, continuing its spiral down the mountain. As we approached the cliff, the ground grew barren, but not like any scorched earth I’d seen before. This was bone-white earth, with veins of silver, as though the ground had an almost crystalline quality—a beautiful but sterile sight. Setting my feet on it, there was an echo, not audible but ringing in the recesses of my soul.
Below the edge of the cliff, the barren ground continued, forming a perfect circle. I now stood in the precise center. The shape of destruction was too meticulous to have been an accident. Only a great power could have caused this.
The stark contrast of the vibrant city below giving way to this perfect circle of lifeless, bleached earth broke loose something inside me, long buried. I sank down and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs. That’s when the trembling started. Andrei stood behind me, a silent but comforting observer.
The silence surrounding me was eerie. Empty. Part of me had thought that by coming here I would have felt them. But there was no presence here; everything was just as lifeless as the earth around me. Even the smell of the air was stale.
Part of me wanted to scream and rage. Against their choice to leave me. Against Nana taking me from this place and raising me in ignorance. Against the fact that my parents had even been in the situation where they had to make that choice. The other part of me wanted to collapse, give into the tears and let them flood the plain below me. But instead, I just sat there. Holding my knees. Trying to keep a tight grip on my sanity. If I held myself tight enough, maybe I could hold all the pieces together.
And I wondered, how had my life come to this? This was apparently where I was always supposed to be, but it felt so foreign. The tears streamed down my face and I didn’t try to stop them. I just letthem flow for the life I’d left and the life that had been taken from me, leaving me with whatever this was.
When I was done, we walked silently back to the castle. Once inside the walls, I impulsively reached out and gave Andrei a hug. He was surprised for half a second, before enfolding me in his arms. I breathed in his scent of healing echinacea, light and floral, and let my head rest on his shoulder.
It was what I had imagined hugging my grandfather would be like.
Chapter
Fifteen
He showed up again. Told me more things that are insane. And yet, somehow, the insanity makes more sense than everything I’ve grown up with. Speaking of insanity, it’s insane that I still have no idea who he is.
—From the journal of Violet Andrever
Finn had warned me that I was yet again spending the day with Azar. Apparently, since my fire channel was the most accessible one, Finn had decided we’d focus on it as my best chance of protection. I didn’t complain, except that it meant more time with Azar. When I showed up at the kitchen, Finn met me with a pastry and an apologetic smile.
I took the pastry. “Let me guess. Zachariah has you doing something super important that will keep you busy all day?”
“Sorry, Lexie,” he said, rubbing my shoulder. “You going to be okay solo?”
I hesitated momentarily. With Griff gone and still no word on when he would return, Finn was the only one I could trust. Especially with Cillian still at large. Although I supposed after the other day, I could add Andrei to the list of people I trusted.
“Solo?” Azar showed up behind me. “The Master of Histories isn’t accompanying us?”
Finn ignored him. “Lexie?”
I smiled with an assurance I didn’t feel. “Go. I’m good.” Maybe if I kept telling myself that, I’d start to believe it. My insight told me Azar didn’t care enough to attack me. But the question was whether or not he’d care enough todefendme, should someone else attack me. I wasn’t quite confident enough in my skills yet to believe I could incinerate an attacker, but I knew Azar could with barely a thought.
Finn gave me a look that said he didn’t quite believe me, but turned to Azar. “She’s all yours.”
“Oh, goodie,” Azar said. “If you are finally ready? Come to me, Princess.”
