What the fuck was happening?
I stumbled along, hand on the wall to support myself, the pain and emptiness inside threatening to consume me. My breaths were coming in gulps, my lungs failing to take in enough air.
“Griffin?” Andrei appeared beside me, a steady hand on my shoulder. “Lad, whatis it?”
“Lexa.” Her name came out strangled. “Something’s happened. I can’t—” The panic fumbled my words. “I can’t… feel her.”
“Alright, lad, we’ll sort this out.” Andrei’s grip tightened. “But first you need to calm?—”
“No.” I ripped myself from his grasp. “You don’t understand. I can always find her. Always. The bond… it’s like she’s been torn away from me.”
Finn’s presence finally registered behind me. Thank all seven gods. He would help.
I whirled on him. “Lexa’s gone. We have to find her.”
His expression was entirely too neutral for him. “I didn’t think you’d notice so quickly.”
I had him by the shoulders before I realized I’d moved. “Notice what? Where. Is. She?”
Finn held my gaze. “She went to see Violet.”
“Violet is dead.” The words came out flat, daring him to contradict me.
He grimaced, whether at my grip or my tone. “Here, yes. But not in the past. She didn’t want me to tell you.”
I released him as the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears nearly drowned out his explanation about bonds, present and past. All I could process was one simple fact—my princess had left without telling me. Had told Finn instead.
Chosen him over me.
The control I’d spent years perfecting shattered like glass shards. When Finn reached for my shoulder, still providing what I was sure he thought was an explanation, I whirled and put my fist through his face.
“You punched Finn?” I said incredulously, pulling myself out of the memory.
Griff ran a hand over his face ruefully. “You felt my panic. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I hadn’t punched him since we were twelve.” He paused, then added defensively, “Besides, he deserved it. He admitted as much afterward. And now I know he doubly deserved it.” His expression darkened. “I still can’t believe he kissed you.”
I covered his hand with mine and he stared down at our entwined fingers.
“I’m here with you, not him,” I reminded him gently.
The tension left his shoulders, and his hand moved back to my arm, squeezing gently. “There’s more.”
I found myself in her room—our room, as I’d started thinking of it—pacing like a caged beast, my heart working in overtime. Panic and anger alternated for the top emotion. How could she do this without telling me? Throwing herself into reckless danger? After what we had admitted last night?
Every surface held some trace of her. I picked up her hairbrush as her comments about how she was just a duty, how we were just friends, played over and over in my mind. It was incomprehensible that she could believe that. Believe that we weren’t… us.
I had tried to fight this. Told myself Serentyn came first, that her safety mattered more than my wants. That I should keep my distance, give her a choice in all of this, when she’d had precious little choice so far. But that pretense had crumbled the moment I felt her disappear.
If she didn’t come back?—
No. When. When she returned.
When she returned, no more careful distance. No more restraint. I was going to tell her exactly what she meant to me. What this bond was. I should have done it last night, should have done it months ago, instead of letting her walk away with doubts about where she stood with me. Should have followed her to our room and shown her exactly how I felt about her until we were both breathless and she was thoroughly claimed as mine.
That’s exactly what I’d do the moment she was back.
Finn’s words about the bond came back to me. A bond there: Violet. A bond here.
I sank onto the bed, pulling her pillow against my chest and breathing in her scent. Maybe she did understand what this was between us. Maybe she had seen through the mask I’d worn to hide the depth of my feelings from everyone, including myself.
