Guilt gnawed at me. The idea of him being injured because of my own weakness made something inside me churn. I had to become stronger, now for more than just myself.
I cared about him. It was a truth I had refused to acknowledge, but after every attempt he’d made to help me, and feeling the hazy lust when I'd seen his hidden glyphs, it wasn't something I could lie to myself about anymore. Especially since I'd been the one to rip his stitches open, if not indirectly involved in the original injury.
The truth made something visceral twist and throb around my heart.
Zevrial was watching me in silence, patiently waiting for me to process everything he’d said and respond. Even with the lamp light’s soft caress, he looked tired, and a tinge of culpability shot through me.
“Okay,” I said at last, if only to break the silence and tension that stretched out between us.
“Okay,” he echoed back.
“Well, this has been...very unexpected,” I said to fill the quiet that was descending on us again. There was an undercurrent of heat to it that made me uncomfortable. Or maybe, it made me too comfortable. “But I think I've had enough training for one night.” I looked pointedly at where his injury was underneath his shirt. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Mhm,” Zevrial said, still watching me. “Nothing said here tonight can leave this room.”
There was a whole lot more going on between us than what had been said, but I didn't vocalize that. The quiet revelation I’d had and the rabid attraction he triggered came to mind. “It won't,” I said instead. Then, after a moment's pause, “Good night, Zevrial.”
I turned and fled.
“Good night, Lisia,” his luxuriant voice followed after me.
My mind was still spinning from everything I'd learned.
Zevrial’s hidden Skinscript sounded ripe for troublemaking. Trying to fathom what an immense mess someone like Henrik would get into with even one of those glyphs was terrifying.
It made sense that Zevrial remained nearly impervious during the many training sessions we'd had together. He wasn't just built like a fortress, he had an entire arsenal of Skinscript to use to his advantage. And they were probably protecting him from the fresh burden of sharing a glyph with me.
Several questions haunted me as I walked back. If he was weakened from my lack of experience, did that mean I was unknowingly benefitting from his? Did he care about me too, or was he just helping me to try to protect himself? Was he attracted to me too?
One question bothered me, long after I'd left the Brig and made it back to my room.
What caused the wound on Zevrial's thigh?
Chapter 24
Baby Lottery
“Wake up,” Sarina shoved at my shoulders. “You're going to miss the Baby Lottery!”
I moaned, still half asleep as I sat up.
The Reproductive Allocation Raffle, or Baby Lottery as it was colloquially called, was another way the Ascendancy maintained strict population counts year over year. Because inevitably, some children were lost to accidents, disease, and other tragedies each year. It wasn't always possible for the children's parents to have more children. Sometimes, married couples were unable or, more rarely, unwilling, to have children at all. Not every married couple was heterosexual, either.
To keep the total population constant, the Ascendancy held the Baby Lottery, where tickets were drawn which could be used to legally justify the birth of additional children beyond the mandated two per household. Anyone of adult age could enter, and the winning tickets could be sold or bartered as well. Ticketsdid expire after a year, though. However, I'd never heard of a ticket going unredeemed.
The winning tickets were worth more than any other commodity on the island. Even more than Starshells.
Nausea swelled as I thought about Alaric, and how different things might have been if our family had obtained a winning ticket. My gaze fell on the metal yo-yo on my nightstand.
“Hurry up! You'll miss the Priest!” she called, already fully dressed and tying up her frizzy curls.
Priests were dispatched from the center of Mesmoria, to each end of the island. Once there, they collected all of the names of citizens wishing to participate in the Baby Lottery. Would Instructor Weavir be collecting the entrants this year from the trainees, or would it be a different Priest?
I rolled out of bed, trying not to think about the guilt that roiled through me.
At least the supplementary training was effective, I was tired and sore, but not exhausted like I had been before the midterm. Or was I just feeling the perks of sharing a linking glyph with Zevrial? Either way, I was grateful.
Sarina practically dragged me out of the room, hurrying us toward the gate. It was so early even the crickets weren’t chirping. A line of other trainees had already formed, wrapping around the courtyard. Sarina and I joined them as the line meandered forward.
