You didn’t leave him a choice.
The thought made me incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn't do what Orin had done to me, but it wasn't because we were being judged on our ability to work as a team. And it wasn’t because it was wrong, or because the selfish notion didn’t occur to me. It wasn't even because I wasn't capable of it.
You’re capable of much worse.
The salty taste intensified, invisible fingers covering my mouth.
I couldn't do the same as Orin to a teammate because I'd been on the receiving end of it myself, now. I had to be better than that. I wouldn't do something like this to someone else, ever again. I'd let myself be weighed on my own merit, not subtract from the efforts of others to try to spare myself.
Never again.
Raising my chin, I continued to stare ahead as he was dragged out of the courtyard, still howling his denials.
I wasn't a good person. After everything I'd done in the Reformatory that was clear.
But I could become a better person. That was something I could change.
“Now, for the evaluation results you all have been waiting for,” Instructor Garcien said. “The team in first place, Navy Team. This team demonstrated not only the most competence from their lessons and training, but that they are capable of collaboration and ingenuity under pressure.”
A cheer went up from behind me, and I looked back to see Sarina and the rest of her team pumping their fists into the air.
Instructor Garcien was wearing that patient expression of hers again as she continued. “Second place, Yellow Team. Theywere able to return with the second highest quality and quantity of King Protea.”
Another round of cheering went up behind me, as Veridiana's team celebrated.
“Third place, Red Team. They completed the assignment with minimal difficulty, and returned with several high quality flowers.” Izaiah and Talissa whooped energetically.
I waited to hear our team’s placement.
“...Lime Team, second to last was Green Team. In last place was Orange Team.”
Pasha frowned. “Well at least we weren't last. And it’s just for the midterm, not finals.”
I suppressed a frown. Henrik's team had gotten last place. Humiliation flushed my cheeks as I looked down.
Georlan’s posture had slumped. “Let’s hope they don’t weed out everyone on Orange and Green.”
Instructor Garcien continued. “For the individual evaluations, we would like to celebrate the following individuals. Jevin Belton for his quick thinking that was instrumental in Navy Teams first place victory. Veridiana Clark, for distinguishing herself as the most capable individual performer, having completed three round trips. And Wyatt O'Malley, for his dedication and support of his team members.” Instructor Garcien cleared her throat to quiet down the noise rising up from her announcement.
“Please return to the barracks, dinner will be served in thirty minutes. Would the following trainees please come speak with me: Yeshar Dunst, Phayden Lowry, Henrik Tanner, and Lisia Baylen.”
Dread settled in my stomach like a boulder as the courtyard emptied out.
“In case you haven't deduced why you're still here, Instructor Weavir is informing those that failed the midterm now. You each barely passed,” Instructor Garcien said.
I dared to lift my chin and look at her. We hadn't failed? We weren't being kicked out?
“Yeshar, you ignored your team's plan and abandoned them to set off on your own, barely making it back in time with your four flowers. Henrik, you were severely injured, and your flowers were torn to tatters. Phayden, you returned with the wrong type of flowers entirely, and argued with your teammates to the point of delaying your entire team. Lisia, you only managed to return with a single flower, and it was limp.” She let out a sigh.
I hung my head. Her disappointment hit like a physical blow. I wasn't sure at what point I had started caring about her approval, but here I was, feeling like I'd never attain it.
“This isn't meant to discourage you. If it had been one small problem, we could have overlooked the issues. If you had returned with the correct flowers and they had been high quality, but you'd been minorly injured, you would not be here. However, with these scores, you'll each be receiving additional tutoring, specifically in the areas you need to improve in,” she said.
“Yeshar, you'll meet with Instructor Weavir.” Yeshar’s face stayed neutral. “Philip, you'll meet with me. Lisia, and Henrik, you'll be meeting with Instructor Tyrell.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling defeated. Hadn't this been exactly what Zevrial had warned me about, that if I didn't do specialized training with someone like Veridiana, I would have a subpar performance during the midterm? Acknowledging my own culpability was a bitter truth to swallow.
It was made even more bitter knowing I'd have to spend additional time with Zevrial.
