I’ve never been an athletic guy, but I started working out a couple years ago, after the millionth time it was recommended to help with my anxiety. Unfortunately, it does help. Even more unfortunately, I’ve come to enjoy it. But I don’t think I’ve ever appreciated the results as much as I do at this moment.
I try to keep my smug grin to myself as I turn and startdown the ladder. The water is cooler than I expected as I ease in but feels incredible under the midday sun. I paddle toward Cammie, who’s now floating with eyes closed and face tipped up toward the blue sky. She must hear the small ripples as I draw near, because she speaks before I can without opening her eyes.
“You took your life jacket off.”
I look down as if to confirm the accusation.
“Yeah, Paolo said that was okay, since the water is so shallow here.”
“I just thought you were Mr. Safety and all,” she goes on. “Didn’t expect you’d want to risk it.”
I frown. She really thinks I’m a paranoid mess, doesn’t she?
“Being in shallow water like this is way less dangerous than being on a boat getting tossed around in the open ocean. Worst-case scenario, my feet can reach the bottom and I can bounce myself back up to the surface.”Why are we even talking about this?I think. I’m still antsy from Max’s text, but trying to be present, to focus on what I’m here for, I change the subject. “What do we think about Paolo so far? Any major paternal vibes coming off him, or anything clicking for you?”
Cammie’s eyes pop open and her head turns abruptly to check if Paolo is within hearing range. Like I would have said anything if he was. But I still follow without comment when she swims a little farther away from the boat.
“I don’t know, he seems cool,” she says. “I realize it’s kind of silly, but I just have this feeling like when I meet my actual dad, I’ll know in my gut, and I don’t necessarily have that. Butmaybe that’s not realistic.” She tilts her head with a sigh, suddenly looking and sounding a little sadder than she was earlier. “I’m not sure how I’ll get any closer to the answer today. Short of asking him, ‘Hey, did you sleep with my mom twenty years ago and then ditch her when she told you she was pregnant with your child?’ He might have a heart attack, and then who would drive us back to land—Victor? Pass.”
I laugh even though I know she’s trying to deflect from stuff that’s actually kind of heavy and difficult, sensing it’s what she needs right now. I also don’t exactly have any words of wisdom. We float in silence for a few moments, each of us lost to our own thoughts, before Cammie speaks again.
“This probably all seems pretty half-baked, and unlikely to result in a perfect ending where the biggest mystery of my life is tied up with a nice little bow. But I…” She looks away, her teeth clamping down on her lower lip as she struggles for the right words, before finally looking back to me and blurting, “I really appreciate you doing this. I don’t know if I’ve said that enough, or, well…at all. But I’m grateful you’re here. It would be so much scarier doing it alone.”
My heart is pounding so hard I wish I’d left my life jacket on. It has to be visible through my chest right now. I swallow a lump of emotion in my throat before I answer, “What are cousins for?”
Cammie throws her head back and laughs, a sound that does not help my heart-racing situation, nor any of my body’s other physical reactions to the only girl I’ve ever wanted, just a foot away from me and looking like a literal dream in her yellow swimsuit in the sparkling Mediterranean waters.
When her laughter subsides and she meets my eyes, hers seem to be looking for something. Studying me intently enough that I feel like ducking my head underwater to hide.
“Everything okay? You seem…distracted,” she says softly.
I give her a knowing tilt of my chin. “I could say the same for you.”
Cammie smirks. “Mm-hmm, but I said it first. So spill.”
With a sigh, I lean back, paddling with my arms to keep afloat as I look up toward the craggy cliffs nearby. “It’s nothing, really—I just got a text from the guy I was maybe going to room with in Germany, and it reminded me I have to decide. It’s just been this big cloud, like, looming over me. But I’m pretty sure I’m not going, so I need to just call it. Then I can stop stressing.” I sound more sure than I am, but I also don’t want to keep talking about it. I know it’ll only make me agitated and anxious. “Your turn.”
When I peek her way, her smile is rueful before it fades and her eyes flit away. “I don’t know, I…I guess I keep thinking about what you said the day we went into Naples. How it’s sucked these last three years, us not being in each other’s lives. If it isn’t obvious, it’s sucked for me, too.”
It wasn’t obvious at all, actually, I want to tell her, but I hold it in.
Her tone is cautious as she continues. “But if it sucked so much, why didn’t you ever reach out and try to fix things? For the longest time after our fight, had you picked up the phone and texted or called even once, I would’ve been ready to mend fences in a heartbeat.”
I feel my brows pull together and my lips turn downward asI replay her words in my mind. “I…What? Cam, I was just doing what you asked.”
Water splashes as she throws a hand in the air. “What are you talking about? What do you think I asked?”
“No, no,” I say, shaking my head. “First, I want to know whatyouthink happened back then—how you remember our fight and what got us there.”
“Why do I have to go first?” she squeaks out, but I won’t let the cuteness deter me.
“Honestly? Because you’ve seemed so angry with me—still angry, to this day. If I’m going to explain or defend myself, first I need to hear things from your point of view.”
Her lips purse, and her eyes shift away, back toward the boat and beyond it. “Fair enough,” she concedes, “but I don’t think this is a water-treading talk. Some of us haven’t spent our entire time apart getting all fit and toned and six-pack-y.”
I can’t stop the laugh that bursts out of me. “Did you count my abs, or was that just a lucky guess?”
Cammie’s back is to me as she starts toward the rocky coastline. She doesn’t turn her head when she calls, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
