As we pull up to the house, Nate catches my eye, but I throw myself out of the car, not wanting to talk about it.
Honestly, maybe I really should call Sloane back and just tell her I’m in. The sooner I can fly home and get ready for the show—and for the rest of my life to begin—the better. It’ll save me hanging around embarrassing myself by half drooling over a guy who a) is completely wrong for me and b) very blatantly just wants to be friends.
But in my rush to escape an unpleasant situation, I barge headlong into another one.
“Surprise!”
A streamer that says HAPPYBIRTHDAYhangs over the kitchen table. The kids stand in front of Linney. Mom and Dad are there,beaming beside Cooper and Cara. Pete and Tripp are blowing party horns. They’re all wearing party hats, except for Anna Carol, who is wearing one of my pageant crowns.
With slow-dawning horror, I realize this is a surprise party. For me.
I’d hoped to have one more day before entering my thirties, but it looks like my twenties have been unceremoniously cut short. And if Ihadbeen planning to celebrate, I would have at least changed my clothes, done my hair and makeup.
Still, their expectant looks of delight leave me no choice but to do what I do best. Rally. “Wow! I didn’t know y’all were going to do this!” I force cheerfulness into my voice.
“Hence the surprise,” Cooper says, unhelpfully.
“Aw, you shouldn’t have!”
Really, they shouldn’t have. I hate surprises. Which my family well knows.
“It was Cara’s idea,” Cooper adds.
Well, I guess that explains it.
“You’ve just been doing so much for the wedding,” Cara says sheepishly. “I thought it would be nice to do something for you.”
I force a smile in her direction. I genuinely can’t tell if she’s actually trying to be nice or just messing with me. But I’m leaning toward the latter. After all, I told her on the day she got here that I don’t like surprises…
But then Nate pipes up. “Yeah, we all thought it’d be a shame to have the day go by without doingsomethingfor ya.”
I look at him, startled. He gives me a grin and a knowing look, like,See, you’re not the only one who can do thoughtful things. Suddenly, my annoyance with Cara slips away, and I’m back to the all-consuming angst and confusion I’m starting to feel constantly around Nate.
I turn away from him, focusing my attention on the table, where there are three rounds of frosted cake.
“One for each decade of your life!” Cooper blows three times into a party horn to underline his point. Cara comes to his side, and he hooks an arm around her waist.
I wince as one end of the HAPPYBIRTHDAYsign pulls free from its tape, a “Y” lodging in chocolate icing. Linney plucks it free, wiping off the icing and attempting to reattach it to the wall.
Anna Carol and William help me blow out the candles, which does make me smile, and I accept a plate with cake from my mom.
“I can’t believe my little girl is thirty,” she says with a wistful tilt of her head. “When I was your age—”
“You already had three kids and a fourth on the way,” I cut in. “I know.”
Mom stiffens just a fraction. “Well, yes.” She looks over at Dad, both of them adopting soft smiles as they reminisce. “I felt like I was finally figuring things out, you know?”
I nod. “Mm-hmm.”No, I don’t. At all.
“There’s something about that age,” Mom continues. “Makes you think about what you’ve done… and what’s still waiting for you.”
Her eyes sparkle, and I know exactly what she’s thinking about.
The weight of her hopefulness feels physically impossible to bear right this second.
“Well, next July on my thirty-first birthday, we can do a performance review and see if I’m finally caught up!” I sort of mean it as a joke, but it comes out sounding bitter and ungrateful.
Which, if I’m being honest, is a little bit how I feel right now.
