“We’re not making decisions yet,” Dad says.
“I don’t understand… you knew?” My mom’s voice is curious, but not castigating, as she looks over at Cara.
“I found a parking stub for the cancer treatment center in yourcar when we borrowed it to go into town the other day,” Cara confesses. “At first I wasn’t sure if it was really anything, so I told Nate, to ask if I should say something,” she says, apologetically. “We’ve—we’ve been through something similar. I didn’t know what to do.”
I remember the argument between Cara and Nate in the backyard a few days ago, when Nate had told her todrop it. And then clammed up when I tried to find out what it was about. How he shut down emotionally after that, pushing me away, and refused to explain why.
Cara looks between us all. “But I couldn’t hold it in. I talked to Coop about it, and he said he’d been suspecting it for a while. Right, Coop?”
I turn to Cooper in shock.
“You knew?”
Cooper just nods, his face flushed with emotion. “I think… I think we all did. Or suspected anyway. Except you.”
I gape at him, then swivel to Linney. Graham has his arm around her, squeezing her shoulder. Then I look to Pete. Both he and Tripp have tears in their eyes, but they’re calm tears. Tears of knowing. Pete nods softly.
“But—but…”
“Nikki,” Cooper says softly. “You weren’there. The rest of us, we live nearby. We’re here all the time. We see things. We put some things together.”
I turn to my mom. “But why didn’t you just tell us outright?”
“I was going to tell you after the wedding,” Mom says to all of us kids. “I didn’t want to ruin Cooper’s perfect day.” She chokes up. “I’m so sorry.”
And my chest aches hearing that, hearing how badly she didn’t want to make a mess of things. So badly, she hid this huge thing away from us. It hits me sharply, like a stark warning.
“Mom.” Cooper lets go of Cara and steps toward Mom, pulling her into a hug. “No, don’t be sorry. I understand.”
I dig deep for a smile. Something to smooth away the worry on Mom’s face, but there’s nothing there. “I’m so sorry,” I choke out. “I’ve got to… give me a second.”
I rush away from the group, but the house is crowded with the bridal party and arriving guests, so I turn down the lakeside path toward Camp Bennet.
THE FLOORS AND SURFACESare cluttered with men’s things, since all the guys got ready in here together earlier, and for once, the room smells different—heavy with the musk of various colognes.
I collapse on the bed Nate’s been sleeping in. The wrinkled sheets that remind me of him and of our one night together.
I can’t believe I’ve been so blind, so stupid and clueless and lost. So busy running after success and a big, special life that I was completely oblivious to the only thing that matters.
The tears come heavy and hard and whatever makeup I still had on gets wiped away.
After a few moments, there’s a soft knock on the door. My stomach flips—half dread, half hope—because for a moment, I think it might be Nate.
But then Mom peeks her head in. “Are you okay, Nikki-Belle?”
I wipe my tears and sit up. Mom comes to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. “No, Mom,” I choke out. “I’m not.”
And even though she’s the one who is sick, she sits down beside me and pulls me into her arms.
I bury my face in her neck, like I used to when I was little, and letmyself cry. I don’t know when the last time was that I let her see me like this. A complete mess.
The true me.
“I know, sugar,” she says. “I know.”
For a while, we both just cry as she rubs my back in soothing circles.
“I’m sorry for keeping secrets from you.” Mom’s voice is raw.
