Ash greets me with a Solo cup filled with something fruity. I was expecting a full-on luau, but this is giving more USC beach party energy. I notice Ash has traded the crisp suits I’m used to seeing her wear for a vibrant yellow silk mini-dress, but she still has a flower tucked into her long brown hair. I tilt the cup back, hoping that whatever’s inside will quiet the confusion ricocheting through my brain and bring out Fun Sybil, in all her glory.
There’s the sharp taste of rum and the sweetness of pineapple. The drink goes down easily. “This is amazing.”
“And potent. It pays to marry a bartender.” As Ash says this, Dani comes up behind her and loops an arm around her waist before dropping a kiss on her cheek.
“Hey, Sybil, so glad you made it!” Dani says. “Also—why the hell didn’t you tell me your evil ex-fiancé was the wine guy!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about this.” She hands me a shiny brochure with a familiar-looking vineyard on the cover. The heading reads:Kauffman Estates & Winery.
What in the world…I start flipping through the pages of marketing materials. There’s a photo of Jamie, looking impossibly handsome in a crisp white shirt, his sleeves rolled up as he inspects a cluster of grapes. Beneath it, a quote: “Our family has always believed in investing in what matters most. With Kauffman Estates & Winery, we’re investing in passion, in heritage, and in the future of fine winemaking.”
My heart swells with a ridiculous amount of pride. He did it. He actually did it. He defied his father, he chased his dream, and he finally expanded on the vineyard’s potential. And suddenly, the memory of that first conversation at the pool comes flooding back. Something about diversifying the portfolio. I had been so blinded by the shock of seeing him that I hadn’t truly listened, hadn’t grasped the significance of what Jamie was telling me.
I’m struck by a burning impulse to find Jamie and tell him how impressed I am by all of this—and more importantly, to clear the air about Sebastian’s story about how we rekindled. It might be too late for me and Jamie to rebuild what we lost, but I can’t let him go on thinking that I left him for Seb.
But before I can make a move, Dani grabs my arm and starts leading me toward the party. “Come meet the rest of the gang!”
I desperately want to abandon the party and go find Jamieright now, but I know it would be rude to ditch Dani when she was gracious enough to invite me. Besides, the memory of his furious expression as he stormed off on horseback earlier today still stings. What if he’s still angry and refuses to listen? It’s been such a long day already, and the truth is, I’m exhausted. Maybe tonight what I need is to let loose, have some fun, and pretend, for a few blissful hours, that my life isn’t a complete and utter disaster.
“Lead the way,” I say to Dani.
“THE REST OF THEgang” turns out to be an international crew of young people. A found family made up of bartenders, bellhops, servers, housekeeping staff, and grounds crew. They rib each other and tell funny stories about past seasons at the resort. The energy is infectious and exactly what I needed. It feels like being with friends from college or summer camp—a feeling that only grows when someone suggests a round of Kings, followed by a drinking game called Legends that I struggle to understand the rules of, and then a girl with box braids suggests the old standby: Truth or Dare, and everyone cheers.
Which is how I end up wading out into the moonlit ocean until I’m deep enough to attempt an underwater handstand.
After, I run back to the group, shivering. When I get closer, I hear a guy named Kostas, who I’m pretty sure is the resort medic, chanting, “Sy-bil! Sy-bil!”
“I can’t believe you just did that!” Ash squeals with a slight hiccup.
“Rules are rules,” I shrug, yanking a sandy blanket out from under Dani’s butt and wrapping it around myself like a towel.
“Okay, okay, my turn,” Dani says. “I pick truth.”
“What’s one thing I do thatreallyannoys you?” Ash asks, devilishly.
I let myself tune out a little as they playfully start arguing back and forth, and the game moves on to daring one of the housekeepers to make out sensually with a snorkel mask. It feels good to be among a group of new friends, here in this beautiful place. To just be Fun Sybil and not think about any of the things that have been weighing me down since I landed in Hawaii. And yet, the minute that thought strikes me, reality starts creeping back in, and I find myself wondering where Jamie is right now, what he’s doing. Is he alone in his hotel room? Is he with Genevieve? The thought makes my stomach squirm. Is he—
“Sybil.” Dani nudges me. “It’s your turn.”
I swallow the lump that has unexpectedly formed in my throat. “Truth.”
“Hmmm…” Dani gives me a wicked grin. “What’s your most embarrassing moment from high school?”
It should be an easy one—I could rattle off the funny story about the time my sweatpants fell down, causing me to trip over my own legs during my ill-fated tryouts for cheerleading,or how I was so pumped about going out with my freshman year crush and possibly getting my first kiss that I drank two jumbo Diet Cokes beforehand, and the kiss was thwarted by an uncontrollable and mortifying case of violent hiccups.
But for some reason—maybe because of the conversation Seb and I had earlier tonight at the street fair—my mind skips past the silly stuff and flashes to prom night. The smell of the antiseptic soap still clinging to my hands. Sitting next to Finn in the waiting room and spiraling out while he holds my now-raw hand and rubs my back. Finn’s keys cool in my palm as he says,You deserve better than this. There’s the slick stab of shame and the physical pain in my abdomen as I lie to Emma on the dance floor about why I was late, Rihanna singing in the background. Even now, I can feel the bass pumping in my skull. I realize it’s the sound of my own heartbeat, and I take in a breath that only dips into the tops of my lungs.
“Sybil?” Ash’s voice drifts through the haze of my anxiety and anchors me back to the present moment.
“You gotta answer or drink,” Dani says.
“I’ll pass,” I say, prompting cheers of “Drink! Drink!” to go up from the group. I force a grin, salute the crew with what’s left of my beverage, and finish in one long pull.
EVENTUALLY, EVERYONE STARTS PAIRINGoff, the cloud of pheromones working its particular brand of magic. Ash and Dani say good night and walk back toward their room, arms slung around each other, heads bent together, the picture of easy intimacy.
I slip away from the dwindling crowd and wander alone down the beach, the sand cool and soft beneath my feet. As I walk, the music and laughter fade behind me, replaced by the rhythmic roar of the waves crashing against the shore. I round a bend in the coastline, and the lights of the main resort come into view, twinkling like a constellation against the velvet night sky. Reaching the stone steps that lead up to the main lawn, I pause, pull out my phone. Willow picks up on the second ring.
