“It’d be hard for me too.”
“I bet. You’re very territorial.”
I reared back but was still smiling. “You make me sound like a she-wolf or something.”
He flashed me a smile. “Just that you seem to go all in or all out on people.”
My cheeks grew warm in spite of the cool evening air. I turned away from the skyline, away from Finn’s gaze. As I rested my lower back against the ledge, I considered just how accurately Finn had described me—and tried not to analyzetoo hard what it meant that he was always able to see right to the core of me.
“So you think Sybil’s got it that bad?” Finn asked.
We were close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body. I smelled woodsmoke and lavender, and I felt my own body leaning toward his. I tried to remember what Finn had just asked me. “I think it’s that Sebastian’s life is an adventure. He’s always going to these far-off places, war zones, catastrophes, and Sybil’s always looking for a new adventure.”
“You have to admit that his job sounds pretty cool.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I waved away Finn’s comment. “He’d be a lot cooler if he didn’t string her along. He’s always telling her he’s going to meet up with her, then jumps on a flight to Venezuela. You have to be able to depend on people. You have to know that they’ll be there for you. Anyone who stands you up is undeserving of your time.”
I hadn’t meant to imply anything about Finn, but the air around us thickened with a different kind of tension, and it was like the stupid night of prom had materialized before us both.Oops.
Finn was the one to break it. “So, I was at the hospital that night.”
“What?” I looked over at him, but his gaze was trained north toward the Empire State Building lit up in blue and orange, probably for some sports team. I stared at Finn, waiting for him to continue, to clarify. What the hell did he mean he wasat the hospital?
“The night of prom,” he continued. “The night I stood you up.”
“Oh, Finn, I wasn’t even trying to bring that up.”
But whether he believed me or not, he kept looking out at the skyline. “That was the day my dad got the news that his cancer was terminal.” My heart sank as I watched his face in profile. “I had gone to meet my parents at the hospital. It wasn’t until I got back home and saw my tux hanging on the closet door that I remembered it was prom.” Finn tucked his hands into his pants pockets, his eyes darting down to his shoes. “I called you as soon as I realized.”
I remembered my phone had been lit up with texts and missed calls that night, and how righteously hurt I’d felt at the time. A wave of regret crashed through me now.
“I’m so sorry, Finn. If I had known…” If I had known, I wouldn’t have unloaded on him, but looking back, I realized I never even gave him the chance to explain. I was so confident I knew what had happened that I had just steamrolled over him. I could have just stayed with Finn—been there for him. Instead, I’d made an awful day for him into an even worse one. Now, I didn’t know what else to say. Finn had pulled his hands out of his pockets, resting them on the ledge just inches from mine, so I reached over to give his right hand a squeeze. “God, I’m so sorry, Finn.”
He nodded, then stroked his thumb along the outside of mine. “There’s no way you could have known.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Finn gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I almost did tell you. But then things fell apart between us anyway, and… Dad didn’t want people to know about his diagnosis. And, honestly, I was in a lot of denial. It felt like my life was falling apart.” Finn took a deep breath; he kept his eyes on the skyline, but his hand remained in mine. “I think maybe I hoped you knew me well enough totrust me—to trust that I would never hurt you without a good reason.”
Regret sliced through me. Finn had stood me up, but I’d let him down too. He’d been nothing but a good friend to me for years, but at the first sign of trouble, I’d cut him out of my life. I’d been too dialed in on my own pain to see his.
“You’re right,” I said softly. “I should have trusted you. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I should have been honest with you instead of playing games.”
I turned my hand upward, and he continued along the lines of my palm and down my wrist. I couldn’t believe it. I had gone years thinking that Finn was just a flake who stood me up, when in reality, he had a completely valid reason for missing a stupid school dance. If only my pride hadn’t been so bruised, sending me storming off his front porch that night, maybe I could have known the truth. Maybe wewouldhave dated senior year. Maybe we—but wait. Through the haze of realization and regret, something occurred to me.
“But when did you see Sybil at the mall? You gave her your car to drive to prom, right?”
“There was no mall, Emma. Sybil was at the hospital too.”
“Shewhat?”
“You’re going to have to talk to Sybil about that.” I started to press further, but the look in Finn’s eyes stopped me.
I suddenly had the feeling that I knew absolutely nothing—nothing about the world, about what had happened years ago, nothing about Finn, or myself, or this night, or what was possible. What had come before this moment was inexplicable; what would come after, wild and uncertain. So I just stood there,every part of me focused only on the small circles Finn made on the inside of my wrist.
My heartbeat grew faster and faster as his fingers moved softly against my skin, the blood in my veins growing fizzier and fizzier, and I knew the only thing that could bring me back to earth was Finn. I looked up at him. His eyes were on me, watching me watch him. His hand was now wrapped around my wrist. I drifted toward him, and he leaned into me, his mouth just a finger’s width from mine, and I felt the warmth of his breath on my lips.
