“El is very different once you look behind everything she had to become because of her father,” she says. “Something I very much relate to.”
Another piece of her. And the picture fills, as I understand who the “He” was she referenced in the bathroom. A father.
“My mother sends Louise her wishes,” I say as she gets up to leave. With a quick glance at my watch, I realize it’s already 11:30 am, and she has lectures.
“She also asked if we’d be available for brunch on Sunday. She was delighted by your little theater.”
“Tell her I can’t because Louise is leaving for the World Congress on Pediatrics and Neonatology in Tokyo. There will be a special panel for neurosurgery in Peds.”
I actually type the name of the congress in my search bar, only to find it is indeed on the upcoming weekend.
“Is there anything you don’t know?” I ask, shaking my head in impressed disbelief.
“A lot,” she says. “I’d give all the knowledge I have for the only important one.”
With that, she is gone. Leaving me with another piece of her.
And I know it had been the right thing to trigger her in the bathroom. Somehow, in between all this mess, she gave me a glimpse of her real self.
My curiosity is piqued, and maybe one day, I’ll see who she really is. Until then, I will collect the puzzle pieces.
15
AMELIE
PLAYLIST: NEVER SAY NEVER – THE FRAY
“What’s going on?” El asks, turning to the side to look at me, as I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling with eyes that won’t close, thoughts that won’t stop, and emotions that chew on my insides.
“It’s the fourth night you stare at that ceiling.”
A voice in me screams. It screams to tell El everything she doesn’t know. All the secrets, the hidden identity, the role I played, the robbed childhood. But I can’t.
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Come on, Amy. You know.”
El knows me better than anyone by now. So I give her a half-truth.
“I don’t know who I am,” I say. “All those years, I’ve become everything my father wanted me to be, and now? I don’t know who I am. I don’t even remember who I once was before—” I break off.
El puts her hand on my chest, and I let my head fall to the side, looking at her.
“It doesn’t matter who you were,” she says. “You’re here now. You have money and free will, hun. Look at all the other people.They are poor critters, working to live so they can die one day with their shelved dreams. You have the privilege to be whoever you want to be. So, go be whoever you want to be.”
I smile. It’s so El.
“I don’t think I want to be anywhere else right now,” I say, and turn to my side, closer to her.
“See,” she says. “Knowing what you don’t want brings you one step closer to what you want.”
I pull myself as close to her as possible, as I cup her face and kiss.
And that’s all we do.
We kiss.
And kiss.
