You solved equations your teachers couldn’t before you even turned 10.
Melissa Rogan is stuck in her marriage and has never become anything.
You are gifted. You are good. You are a renowned name in your area.
With that, I switch back into myself and ignore the woman entirely as I start my lecture. At least I try to. Somehow, I am not on top of my game today.
“Alright, everyone. Behavioral Neuroscience. Within this course, we’ll dive—simply put—into the relationships between the brain and behavior. More complex, behavioral neuroscienceis the center of otherwise isolated scientific disciplines, such as Psychiatry, Neurology, Physiology, Biochemistry, and even reaches into Computer Science, Anthropology, Molecular Biology, and Paleontology.”
I draw up a map to show the wide spectrum.
“What does that mean for you?” I continue. “At the end of this course, you will be able to understand how the brain and behavior are inherently connected and influence each other reciprocally. The human mind and body are a system that works in connection.”
I glance at the students and check in on who is following and who isn’t.
It is when I see the staring woman has her hand up. Almost provocative.
“A question?” I ask her.
“Yes,” she says in a self-sufficient tone.
“Please, Miss—?“ I say
“Miss Degard,” she says. “I was wondering, if we look at the body-mind relationship, isn’t it essential to also include the environment?”
I am pleasantly surprised. I had almost expected her to challenge me. And it makes me hesitate for a moment.
Me, the behavioral expert, who misread her so much?
Why was I intimidated?
Because she looked at me like a ghost from my past,I tell myself. I should know better. I projected. I was biased. She seems to be genuinely interested.
So I answer in a very different tone.
“Absolutely right,” I say. “We always have to include environmental factors. The environment can activate genes, change perception, and cause physiological differences. There is very interesting research made on exactly those environmental impacts—“ I say, and a deep dive into my favorite topic.
My body relaxes, as I am finally back in the safe waters I know how to navigate.
3
AMELIE
PLAYLIST: PIXIE — ALEXANDRIA
Igrin internally as I watch Professor McKenzie talking about her work. She’s young, and if I am not entirely mistaken, very much neurodivergent. I’d guess autism. While I know it is not always visible, it shows. At least when you know the cues, like me.
I haven’t spent years studying psychology and the criminal mind in my previous life for nothing. I might have been a role, but I still have the knowledge I gained.
The way she moves and holds her hands, reacts to strong eye contact, and speaks. I know how to read people, and I know how to utilize the cues I get.
I am still on drugs from the night before with El, and it’s like everything in my mind is heightened. I see things a little too sharply. And feel too much.
Normally, I’d not draw that much attention to myself, but it felt as if she needed a little push because I most certainly distracted her. And it’s kinda cute, I distract her. Also, playing with fire? I fucking love it.
So I did what I am good at: being someone others need me to be.
The friend I had to be for a girl in my past life.
