But I cannot. I cannot just leave her here.
I brush back my hair.
Merda!
It takes me a deep breath before I bend down to remove the spreader bar.
She does not move.
I loosen the ropes and let her down slowly.
She has no body tension whatsoever.
I sit next to her and remove the ropes around her wrists.
Her eyes are open; she seems to be conscious, but they are empty, just as when I found her in the masseria.
A stitch in my chest.
An uncomfortable sensation washes through me, like a void collapsing my insides.
I am at a loss as to what to do.
Me. Rosalia Vittare.
So I just lay down next to her, so that our faces are at the same height.
I cup her face.
I place a kiss on her forehead. And when I look at her again, she has her eyes closed.
All I wanted was to destroy her. And now that I have, it feels like I have killed my own soul.
18
ANTONELLA
PLAYLIST: TROUBLE – CAMYLIO
When I open my eyes, I am still where I was last night. In a place so dark that there will be no way back. I thought I wanted it. I thought I could—all the things I thought and didn’t think at all.
I feel so broken that I might never be whole again.
Rosalia lies next to me, and I look at her. She has her eyes open, staring at me.
“I thought I wanted it,” I whisper.
“I know,” she says silently. It is the first time I see some sort of warmth in her eyes.
I have to get up. I have to leave this behind me. I have to get back before the entire organisation implodes.
So I push myself up.
I walk upstairs like a robot.
Take my dress and put it on. I have my hand on the door handle.
My eyes wander to her.
