There were a few instructions—it wasn’t hard to figure out.Eventhough my hands were trembling,Imanaged to get everything assembled.Ipulled up my nightgown and pushed the pump’s suction cup to my swollen right breast in record time.
Then, anticipating the massive relief that offloading the nectar would be,Ipressed the button, and the machine began to suck rhythmically at my nipple.
It lasted exactly three seconds before a gasped in pain and turned the thing off.Thesuction was simply too painful to my swollen breast and tender nipple.
But no—Icouldn’t give up so soon.Ihad to try again.Ihad to get the nectar out of my breasts, orIcould get really sick!Iknew that much from listening to the other femaleWerestalk when they didn’t knowIwas listening.
AsIprepared to try again,Iheard a knock on the connecting door.
“Don’t come in!”Isaid loudly.
But the door creaked open anyway andKorcame into my bedchamber.
“I heard you gasp,” he said, frowning.“It’snot working, is it?”
“Yes it is!”Ilied.Pressingthe suction cup end of the pump to my other nipple,Ipressed the button again.
This time the pain was even worse, butIbore it in silence, gritting my teeth and willing myself not to say anything.Soonit felt like my nipple was on fire and my breast was caught in a vise as the breast pump sucked and sucked.
At last,Icouldn’t take it anymore and a breathless moan of pure pain escaped my lips.
“Stop that!”Korwas beside me instantly.“Stopit,Vivienne—you’re hurting yourself!”
He took my hand from the pump and found the button to turn it off.Amoment later the suction stopped, and he pulled the pump away from my swollen breast.
Both my breasts were now in terrible pain but even worse, whenIlooked at the reservoir of the pump,Isaw that it hadn’t sucked anything out at all.Thenectar, which was much more viscous than milk, was apparently too thick to suck out.
I had put myself through torture for nothing.
“Vivienne, this thing isn’t going to work, and you know it,”Korsaid sternly, setting the pump on my nightstand.“Youknow there’s only one cure when anOmega’sbreasts fill with nectar.”
I bit my lip asIlooked up at him.
“I know,”Isaid in a low voice.“ButIcan’t…Idon’t think we should.It’swrong—I’maMoonWidow.I’mnot supposed to go intoHeat.”
“Well, you are,” he said implacably.“Nowwhat are we going to do about it?Areyou going to let me help you or not?”
I fisted the coverlet on either side of me in frustration.
“But it’s wrong!TheCounciland thePack?—”
“Fuck theCouncilofEldersand thePack,”Korsaid roughly.“Areyou going to let yourself getNectarPoisoning—possibly evenHeatFever—to please that bunch of judgmental idiots?”
I started to cry then—Icouldn’t help it.Thetears had been right on the surface all morning and now they overflowed and ran down my cheeks.
“I know it’s stupid.It’sjust,I’vebeen judged by them for the past twenty years.It’shard to go against whatI’vebeen taught all my life—even if it hurts me,”Iadmitted in a low voice.
Kor’s face—which had been strained with worry—softened at once.Hedropped to his knees beside the bed and took both my hands in his.
“Vivienne, sweetheart, let me help you,” he said in a low voice.“Ican’t stand to see you in pain—please.”
I blinked through my tears and looked at him uncertainly.
“You…you really want to help me like that?Youdon’t thinkIlook disgusting—all swollen and leaking?”
“Disgusting?”Helooked at me incredulously.“Baby, you’re beautiful.Themost beautiful womanI’veever seen.Andyes,Ireally want to help you.”Helooked earnestly into my eyes.“Look, just let me suck the nectar out.Ipromise it won’t lead to anything else.”
“Well…”Iwanted to say yes—Iwanted this pain to end.ButIstill felt so guilty…
