Love smiled at him, keeping his cool. “I will let you know how she’s feeling.”
Amir leaned over and hugged me softly and went on to his room. Then Love turned his attention back to me, and I fell into his arms.
Tears filled my eyes. I hated feeling like I wasn’t in control of my own body.
Love carried me to our room, closed the door with his foot, and we got into bed.
He held me and let me cry, telling me it would be okay, reminding me to breathe, and that he was right there.
After I don’t know how much time had passed, I started to calm down. My chest didn’t feel so heavy, and I was breathing easier than I was before.
I finally picked my head up, and Love smiled at me, wiping my tears and moving my hair outta my face.
“What happened, baby?” he asked softly.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I was working on the seating chart, the girls were texting me. I guess I got overwhelmed and had a panic attack.”
“I get that, but you don’t have to do all of this, baby?—”
“But I want it,” I said, cutting him off. “I came too far—we came too far. I just want our day to be perfect.”
Love sighed. “We got five months. I don’t need you having panic attacks for these next five months when we could say fuck all that shit and do something simple.”
I nodded. “I know, baby, but I really want a wedding. It BETTER be the only wedding we have, and I want to do it right.”
Love laughed. “I understand all that, but I don’t want you this worked up.”
Love kissed me, and I laid my head back on his chest.
Love stayed holding me for a while, like he was making sure my body wasn’t going to switch on me again. My breathing was better, but I still felt tired in a way that had nothing to do with sleep.
When I finally sat back up, it was dark outside.
“Shit,” I blurted out. “I have to cook dinner, I need to lock back in with the girls.”
Love gave me a blank stare.
“No, you don’t, and you won’t.”
I tilted my head at him.
“You just had a panic attack. The only thing you need right now is a break,” he said, getting outta bed. “I’ma go pick us up some food, all that wedding shit, and your phone is staying in the living room, and you are stayin in the bed.”
Love studied my face for a second with a blank stare.
“Okay, baby, I will stay in bed.”
Love leaned down, kissed me, and walked out of the room.
After letting Amir know I was okay, I heard him grab his things, then the first door shut.
I got comfortable in the bed, trying to find something to watch, but was unable to find something that would hold my attention. My mind was on everything: work, the wedding, Love, Amir, maybe a baby because I haven’t been feeling my best, moving into a house whenever he closed on it.
Everything felt too good to be true again, like at some point and time, everything was going to fall apart.
I didn’t voice any of that to Love. As a matter of fact, when he came back in the room, all the feelings I had went away.
“Iight,” he said, placing a lot of food on the bed. “Amir wanted Wing Stop, but I got us some pizza, wings, a soda cause I know you haven’t had any caffeine, and for dessert, I got you some cookies and…”
