‘Oh, right.Thanks.’
‘We’re gonna have to lie about how you got that.’
‘Whatever you say.’
Minutes pass.Guilt trickles in as Lachlan’s humanity returns, dismayed to realise how badly he’s let Jules down.‘I’m really sorry.’
Jules studies him warily.‘For what?’
‘I made it about me when it wasn’t.’
‘It’s fine.’
‘You went through something awful and then you had to manage my anger.’
‘It’s not anything you need to apologise for.You’re my bodyguard.It’s your job to keep me safe.I get it, OK?Don’t get all choked up.’
‘It’s more than my job,’ Lachlan says before he can stop himself.
Jules pauses, not looking at Lachlan.‘Meaning what?’
‘I care about you.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘It’s the truth.’
‘Don’tsay it,Lachlan, I’m serious,’ Jules warns him, voice uneven.‘Do you know how hard it is for me?How hard I try to get over these fuckingfeelingsI have for you?Don’t you dare say shit like that when what you mean is you see me the way you see her, just minus the love.’
‘It’s notminusanything,’ Lachlan snaps mildly, affronted.
‘You don’t love me.You don’t evenlikeme!’
‘Is that what you tell yourself?’
‘Yes!’
‘God, I always fuck it up with you.’
‘It’s probably better that way.Look,’ Jules says, sniffling as the water ripples.‘Iknowyou’ve been making effort with me.I’m not indifferent to the fact you probably move mountains so I can have a couple of hours to myself.I know you do care in some way, but I think it’s better between us if it’s clear cut.’
Jules seems so resigned to the worst of life at nineteen years old when he deserves all the best this world has to offer.
‘If what’s clear cut?’
‘Bodyguard.’
‘Jules—’
‘It fucking hurts when you say things you don’t remember because whatever you feel is at best some kind of parental instinct.It fucking kills me when you walk it back right after and leave me feeling more alone than I ever have in my whole life.So just…don’t.Please don’t do this.I don’t need it.’
Lachlan’s not unintelligent, but he’s maybe not the smartest when it comes to stuff like this.He has a blind-spot the size of a tank about people liking him.Lachlan knows Jules has a crush, he’s known that for a while but this… the way he’s talking, it doesn’t seem like acrush.
Not anymore.
‘I know what I said.’He rests his arm on the side of the tub.‘I remember.’
‘No, you don’t.’
