JPwas in bed and had managed to figure out how to tilt the bed up so he was essentially sitting instead of reclining.He looked so good.Ian was almost drooling.
“Hey, you.We have pizza.”Hopefully he didn’t look exhausted.
JP inhaled and grinned.“There’s still nothing like the scent of food when you’re hungry.”
“True, and it’s still hot.”He had to grin.Had to.“I have our Cokes, too.Did you want to watch TV?”
“Sure.It’s good to have something to cover the sound of chewing.”
Ian blinked at JP, then started chuckling softly, tickled as anything.
“What?”JP pouted at him.
“Nothing.Nothing — are you traumatized by chewing?”
“It’s just weird, eating with people and having the sound of everybody chewing.It’s nicer not to hear it.”
“Oh.I’ll chew very quietly.I promise.”Weird.So very weird…
“Just turn on the TV, and I won’t even notice.”JP patted the space next to him.“Come and sit already instead of hovering.”
“I haven’t shared our bed with you in a long time.”He climbed onto his side of the bed and opened the pizza box.Oh, it looked amazing.
“I know.”JP’s gaze was heavy on him.“It feels like a lifetime.”
“It has been.”The kids’ lifetime, one way or the other.“I missed you.I?—”
He needed to talk.They needed to talk.He just didn’t know how.
How could JP just have ignored them for so long?How could JP have walked away from their babies?
“I missed you too, Chou.I swear every time my phone rang, I was hoping it was you.”
He shrugged.“I didn’t know what to say.You have your big love affair.It isn’t me.I was…well, it doesn’t matter.I can be your second.I want you to be happy.”
And he knew that, eventually, JP would be home for good.
“That’s not fair.I love you, Ian.I always have.But I was traded to Florida – I couldn’t just say sorry, my partner doesn’t want to go.How was I supposed to support you and the babies if I just up and quit?”JP shook his head.“And after our fight… well, you made it clear you weren’t interested in discussion, so if I wasn’t coming home, you didn’t want to know.”
Well, he’d said that in anger, hadn’t he?
“I couldn’t take them to Florida.You travel so much.You’d have never been there, and I would have been in a strange place with the twins as babies.At least here, I was home.”He sighed softly, shook his head.“I was hurt.I should have been…I don’t know.I wanted to be the most important thing in the world.That was selfish.”
“I don’t know about that.I made myself the most important thing in the world, didn’t I?And that was selfish of me.I made you feel less than, and that’s not what I wanted.I…” JP was silent for a moment.“Everything’s different now, though, isn’t it?I’m home for good.I guess you need to decide if you can forgive me for it taking an injury to bring me home.”
“If you went back, I’d still be here for you.”Maybe he’d even go with.The kids were at a better age.
“Yeah?”JP smiled at him.“Then I’m a lucky man, Chou.Very lucky.”
“You so are.”He smiled back, then blew his lover a kiss.“Eat.It’s going to get cold.”
“Yes, boss.”JP gave him a wink but also took a bite of the pizza.“Oh, this is good.Delicious.”The word was slurred around the half-eaten bite of pizza.
He chuckled and nodded, digging in himself.He just needed to work this out, one little bit at a time.
He had anger and pain, but he also had hope.
Love.
