I set the phone down.
Nobody on that call had intended cruelty. My parents loved me the same way they loved Velkarya itself: fiercely, sincerely, and within structures they no longer questioned.
And suddenly I understood.
This was not rejection, but merely postponement without end.
There would always be another competition. Another season. Another reason to wait until things became less complicated.
After Worlds.
After the Olympic cycle.
After retirement.
After everyone stopped looking.
Later, later, later, until eventually silence became a life.
My throat tightened again.
For years I had mistaken silence for safety because everyone around me spoke about sacrifice as though it were virtue.Endure discomfort. Protect stability. Don’t create unnecessary difficulty.
But sitting alone in that room, I finally understood the cost of that logic.
If I stayed inside it forever, I would spend the rest of my life becoming smaller.
More careful. More obedient. Easier to explain, until eventually there was nothing left worth explaining at all.
I stood and crossed toward the window.
Milan stretched out in the distance, all gold light and moving traffic. Somewhere in this building, Dean breathed the same cold night air, loving me openly in all the quiet ways that mattered most.
And suddenly the room felt too small, too airless.
I pressed one hand against the glass.
Somewhere in this building, Dean was still awake.
The city lights blurred slightly.
Silence had never protected me.
It had only protected everyone else from discomfort.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Dean
By the timeI got back to my room, the adrenaline that had pumped through me as I’d watched Luka and Mila had faded into a restless kind of exhaustion that refused to let me settle.
Great.Theyskate, andIfeel wrecked.
Ethan had disappeared half an hour earlier after throwing me one long look that probably meant he knew I wanted to be alone. Or maybe he simply knew who I was thinking about.
Luka.
It was always Luka.
