But now isn’t the time to focus on that. No, I need to focus on Amy and restoring our relationship. I place my hand on the small of her back. “I’ll walk you to your room, leannán.”
She tenses under my touch. “That really isn’t necessary, but thank you.”
“I insist. I need to make sure you’re safe.”In every way possible, not just physically, little leannán. Otherwise I won’t be able to sleep tonight.
She purses her lips together and takes off towards the elevator. I suspect her quick gait has something to do with trying to get rid of my hand on her back, so I let my hand drop, even as I keep in step with her.If she doesn’t want my touch, that’s fine. I won’t force her. But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving her side until things are fixed between us.
She presses the button for the elevator and stands quietly, with her hands folded in front of her. She looks like a proper lady, and for a moment, I can see the resemblance between her and her grandmother. “I believe we need to have a discussion, leannán.” I keep my voice quiet and calm, not wanting to spook her.
Amy takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly, calming herself. “Yes. I believe we do.”
I’m not sure what she’s upset about, but I take a guess at what it might be, and do my best. “You didn’t do anything wrong, leannán. I was never upset at you. But I’m sorry that I let what upsetmeget between us. Your words were the stark wake up call that I needed. I won’t let it happen again, you have my word.” She turns her head to the side, so I know she’s listening to my words, even if she’s not looking at me.Good. She needs to hear them.
The elevator dings and the door slides open. A few people step out, and then we walk in, and I press the button for my floor, all the way at the top. She glances at the panel of buttons. “I’m on the third floor.”
I have to control myself from chuckling. “I know.”
She turns to look at me fully now. “I thought you said you were escorting me to my room?”
I turn to look at her. “Yes. And I will. But we need to have a talk first, and I wasn’t sure if you wanted me in your room right now. I figured the living room of my suite would be good neutral ground.” I’m guessing my apology didn’t capture the whole picture of what’s upsetting her, but I’m determined to get to the bottom of it.
She presses her lips into a fine line. “How can it be neutral if it's in your suite, first of all? Second of all, you’re right, I don’t want you in my room right now. I…I admit, I don’t really want to have this conversation. I’m only agreeing because I know it’s necessary.”
I turn fully to face her and take a step closer to her, gently grasping her chin. “I know I’ve been an aloof and distant man, and you’ll have to forgive me for that, leannán. But I don’t want it to remain that way between us, cold and unfeeling. You’re going to be my wife, and I want nothing more than to embrace the role of being your doting husband fully.” My gaze flickers down to her lips.I wonder if they’ll feel as soft against my lips as they look.
Her eyes widen and then narrow, before she pulls her chin from my grasp. “I told you, it isn’t nice to trick people.”
I furrow my brows. “What do you mean, my lovely girl? I’m not intending to trick anyone right now, least of all you.”
She takes a deep breath and turns away from me, crossing her arms. Her body language is closed off and defensive. “Well, that’s what we need to talk about. I’m not a child. Or an idiot. Autistic or not.”
My brows knit together even more. “I…I know that. Of course I know that. Do you feel I’m treating you as a child? Could you explain how I am, so I can learn and do better, leannán?” I gritmy teeth. “Fuck. I can’t do anything right when it comes to you, can I?”
Her gaze snaps to meet mine. “What?”
Raw determination courses through me to have her, to earn her trust. I step closer and she takes a step back. I continue my pursuit until I have her boxed in against the elevator wall. “I am a wicked man, leannán. I’ve killed people without remorse, my hands clawed their way to the top and are stained with blood. It’s not something I regret. Hell, it’s something I’m evenproudof. I thought I had it all together until I met you, but you…fuck, you drive me mad, leannán. You’re everything I want, and yet, it’s like you’re just out of reach. I want to taste you, to feel your skin against mine, to see you in my bed for the rest of my days…but you pull yourself just out of grasp, you sweet little thing…and I can’t take it anymore. Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me how to fix it. I’ll do anything, fuck, I’ll get on my knees and beg.”
Her eyes are as wide as can be, looking up at me with parted lips that I so badly want to devour. I lean in closer, and I can smell the fruity alcohol that the captain served us on her breath. “I…what? You…you shouldn’t…”
I chuckle darkly. “And why shouldn’t I, leannán? My god, you’re like a damn temptation, the perfect definition of everything I could ever want. Tell me. You want me to beg? I’ll do it,” I growl, leaning down to nip at her ear. “You could bring a powerful man to his knees with just one word, leannán. I’d do anything for you, can’t you tell? Don’t you know I’ve barely been able to restrain myself? I’ve been like an angry lion guarding its dominion, pacing around and snarling at anyone that comes near. Even Liam has faced my anger when it comes to you. It took everything within me not to threaten to shoot that damn cheeky captain today and tell him to stay on the opposite side of the boat from you at all times. Little prick thought he was socharming…made me want to wipe that boyish smirk right off of his face.”
She gasps at my words, and part of me feels triumphant at her shock. It felt like a relief to finally voice my true desires for her. The elevator doors finally open, and she practically bolts, ducking under my arm to escape me and leave the confined space.
She slows down once she makes it to the hallway, which has much fewer doors than her floor, since these are all suites. She seems to remember that she’s nowhere near her room, and there’s no escaping me.
I slowly join her, knowing that I have her right where I want her: in my room and talking to me. I brush past, enjoying how she inhales sharply at the contact. “Come, leannán. Let’s sit and have a drink. Just you and me, honest and real. How does that sound?” I walk over to my door, and I hear her soft footfalls behind me, so I know she’s following. Which is good, because part of me was worried that she’d try to bolt back to the elevators.
I open the door and walk in, holding it open for her. She walks in and looks around the open living room with floor to ceiling windows, showing off the gorgeous views of New York City. There’s a long, L-shaped couch facing the skyline, with a shag rug underneath and a coffee table with a bowl of fruit on it.
I take off my jacket and place it in the coat closet that’s right next to the entrance. “Feel free to look around. Make yourself comfortable.”If I have any luck at restoring things between us tonight, maybe she’ll be staying here more often. It’ll be good for her to know where things are.
I decide that’s my goal. I want her around, I want her comfortable. A sad Amy makes for a frantic Kerry, and I don’t like that feeling. An absent Amy makes for a devastated Kerry, and I hate that just as much. Present and comfortable, that’show I need her. And I realize that Idoneed her. She is a calm sea when I’ve been in a hurricane. She's sunlight bursting through the clouds of the raging storm of my lonely heart. She’s a lullaby when I’ve been scared of sleeping, a cocoon of warmth when I’ve been freezing.
She’s everything I’ve ever needed, everything I’ve been searching for, even as I've been seeking them in all the wrong places. I’ve been looking for it in power, in glory, in riches, in control. And I’ve found some satisfaction in that, but nothing like the look of her smile, especially when it’s directed towards me.
When I come back around the corner, Amy is standing behind the couch, silently staring out the window at the city below. I walk up behind her and gently run a hand up and down her arm. She tenses immediately, making me sigh. I know I haven’t earned the right to touch her yet, but I want nothing more than to be able to wrap my arms around her and nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck. “Amy. Talk to me. I thought we were getting to know each other, that we were getting close. What’s wrong?”
I see her throat bob as she swallows, and it looks almost painful for her.This is difficult for her to talk about.
