I take a deep breath. “I…well, I did find one thing I liked, but it was high up on a shelf. And I asked a sales associate for help, but I think she could tell that I’m in…well,Walmart clothes,so she didn’t want to put in the effort to get them down for me. It’s kind of a reality check for me, that’s all.”
There’s a flicker of annoyance and anger on his face as he listens to me. “A reality check for what, leannán? Because, let me tell you, any reality check youthinkit is, it’s not. She was in the wrong, not you.”
I sigh. I knew that would be his response. “Well, I don’t really belong in this world, do I? The glitz, the glamor. People can tell that I’m not wealthy. I can’t blame her for not wanting to get them down when it’s safe to assume I’m not going to actually buy them.”
His eyes narrow into thin slits. “And who says you don’t belong in this world? You’ll be my wife, and so you belong withme,and this ismyworld. Do you understand me? You’re just as deserving of buying from this store as anyone else. Now, she was rude and didn’t do her job correctly. Even if you didn’t buy those shoes, it’s her job to get them down for you. She was just being lazy and unprofessional. She judged you, and she judged wrong. Now, I think it’s past time she learns to do her job properly.” He stands up, gaze already seeking out someone who works here.
I stand up hastily and lay a hand on his arm. “Please don’t cause a scene. It’s not worth it.”
His head snaps towards me, eyes flickering down to my hand on his arm, and then at my face. “You are worthanyandeveryscene that I make. Do you understand me, leannán? If I have to yell in every store we go to so that you’re treated with the respect you deserve, I’ll do it. Even if it’s for the rest of our lives, do I make myself clear?”
I swallow thickly, feeling that spring coil tighter in my chest. I want to blurt outI’m not worth it, even if you think so, you’re incorrect.But I know that’ll only make him more determined to prove me wrong. I’m not sure if it’s even about me anymore, or if he just sees me as an extension of himself, so the sales attendant turning her nose up at me is an affront to his ego.
“Yes, you make yourself clear,” I say quietly, pulling my hand from his arm awkwardly and playing with the seam of my sleeve again.
His hand reaches out to cover mine. “Leannán. Look at me.” He tilts my chin up so I look him in the eyes. “You must learn not to let people walk all over you. You didn’t with me, so why would some harmless sales associate be any different?”
I chew on my cheek. “Because it was necessary with you. It isn’t necessary here.”
He tilts his head, eyes narrowing again. “Please explain.”
I sigh. “Do I have to? It just was.”
His eyes narrow more, and I see a spark of that fire again. “Leannán.”
“All right.” I look off to the side, wishing I could curl up and disappear. “I don’t like being a bother. And, if I let you coddle me, then I would be. And it wouldn’t even be worth it, since it wasn’t the right kind of help. I can take care of myself just fine. And that’s true here, too. I don’t need to cause a scene. That would just be an unnecessary bother.”
He stares at me for a long moment, making me more nervous. Finally, he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, straightening his back. “You’ve been made to feel like a burden all your life, leannán. Like you don’t even have the right to exist, take up space, or ask for things. But that’s going to change now, do you understand me?” I nod, but he doesn’t seem to think that’s a good enough answer. “Leannán. I mean it. I want you to ask for help, to let yourself be loud and to tell me to bugger off, or anyone else for that matter. Use that pretty mouth of yours to speak up for yourself, do you understand?”
I nod again. “I understand.” I almost call himAlasdairagain, but he found that amusing before, so I’m not sure if it’s the appropriate response or not. I’m not sure what Ishouldcall him.
He gives a firm nod. “Good. Until you’re comfortable doing that with other people, we're going to work on getting you comfortable with me. Then you can tell me what you want and need, and I’ll advocate for you, all right? We’ll start there and work our way up.”
It’s a concept I’ve never thought possible. I’ve never had someone even care what I wanted. Everyone always assumed they knew what I needed, that they knew even better than I did. The only person that doesn’t do that is Lily, my best friend, but even she didn’t advocate for me. She can’t, since she’s too busy trying to learn how to advocate for herself. It’s something we’vebonded over. Although we try to take care of each other and have each other’s backs, sometimes our social anxiety gets the better of us and we just deal with the hand we’re dealt.
Alasdair is different. He wants to help and he doesn’t have the same problems as Lily and me. He’s not afraid to speak up and cause a scene if need be. Why would he? He’s a mafia god, for crying out loud. He probably shoots anyone that disrespects him.
God, I hope he isn’t thinking about doing that now. I realize I don’t know how he handles this sort of thing. Does he go around shooting people willy-nilly? It seems like my grandfather kind of does, though maybe not to the extent of hurting the sales associate. But my grandmother said the Irish Demon is even worse than my grandfather. While I haven’t exactly seen that so far with Alasdair, I also haven’t seen him deal with any conflict like this, either.
“Please don’t shoot her,” I whisper before I can help myself.
A look of shock crosses his face, and then he bursts out laughing. “Oh, my sweet little leannán, is that what you think of me? Is that why you’re so afraid?” He lifts his hand to caress my chin with his thumb. “What a little dove you are. No, I’m not going to shoot the sales clerk at the department store. Not unless you ask me to.” He winks at me, and I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. “But Iamgoing to advise the management at this store to train her better and ensure she does her job appropriately. Then get those shoes you want. Maybe I’ll make them serve you on hand and foot, too, catering to your every whim. Maybe I’ll make them help you try on every piece of clothing at this store. What do you think?”
A flush of head courses through me. “Um. I don’t think that’s necessary. Especially considering that I’m pretty sure nothing will fit me here besides the shoes and accessories.”
He laughs and throws his head back.He looks so handsome when he does that.I shake the thoughts out of my head. “Ah, yes. That’d be a bit too much too soon, eh? Maybe someday I’ll get you used to such treatment. That way you’ll be able to handle being treated as you should, like a princess. But we’ll work our way up to that. We don’t want to overwhelm you, after all. But it’ll remain a goal of mine nonetheless.”
My cheeks flush again at even the thought of me behaving like that,expectingit. I could never imagine myself being so rude and presumptuous. “All right. But for now, maybe I can just get the shoes?”
He nods. “Yes, sweet leannán. We’ll start there.” He pauses and grins, leaning in closer to me. “You look like a sweet little angel when you blush. So pretty.” Heat floods me again, making him laugh. “Yes. Just like that. Perfect.” He tucks more hair behind my ear, and I feel my chest restrict at the sweet gesture. It makes my head spin, and I’m not sure what to think. His sweet actions towards me contrast with the dangerous and powerful man I know him as, and it’s confusing. I know people aren’t black and white, but this feels so extreme.
He places his hand on the small of my back and leads me back towards the shoes. I point out the boots I want, and he nods. “What about any other shoes?”
I look over the other shelves displaying the shoes. “The boots were my favorite, but I was looking at some of the heels, too…for going out to dinner and stuff. It wasn’t very necessary before, but now…”
He nods. “Yes, you’re right. It’s necessary now, since I’m going to be taking you to all sorts of magnificent places.” He leans in closer, his hot breath ghosting across my ear. “I want to show off the beauty you try so hard to hide, little leannán. And that’s exactly what I plan to do, so you can be confident in yourself.”
I look up into his eyes, and am surprised to see a flicker of desire there. At least, I think that’s what it is.
