“No tits,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry. I could explain, but there’s really no point. I’m … I’m just really sorry for deceiving you.”
He stepped back, and nowIhated the distance. “I kissed a man.”
Fuck. “I wasn’t trying to trick you. I was trying to stop before it got there.”Really, Ash? You’re going with that?“Luke, I’m—”
“You …” He took another step. “Oh fuck,” he groaned. If I hadn’t been staring at the shock on his face, I would’ve sworn that tone belonged in porn. “I gotta …” Another step. “I’m gonna—”
I reached for him—why, I didn’t know. All my wisecracking and wisdom-fused quips were silent between my ears. I had nothing to give him to make this any better.
Luke spun on his heels, sprinted to his Range Rover, and then peeled out of the parking lot with the roar of his engine. Out of my life within seconds.
“Yep, deserved that,” I said in the direction he left.
I didn’t know how long I stood there, staring. Did I think he’d cool off and come back? With a sigh, I slumped forward, chin hitting my chest.
“The sex karma gods will punish me for this.” I glanced at the sky. “I’ll be virginal forever, won’t I?”
No one answered.
Whatthefuck?
What the … “Fuck,” I shouted as I blasted out of the parking lot. Was this running? Was I running fromhim, the moment, the kiss, the reality?
“Jesus, fucking, Christ.” I swiped a hand over my face, then through my hair, then against my leg.
How …
Why …
A red light forced me to stop, which was probably for the best. I didn’t need a speeding ticket or an accident to make this night even worse.
The rearview mirror held no one. No flashing lights or honking horns, no one followed me, but the tension in my shoulders wouldn’t get the message.
Home. Fucking Christ, just get home, and tomorrow, this will be nothing. Nothing. Tomorrow, you will wake from this nightmare.
Jesus … I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I needed to clear my head so I could push this itching under my skin back whereit belonged.
Denial had been my bread and butter for so long, I barely recalled my life without it. I’d denied myself dreams, longings, the touch of a warm, masculine body in my arms, all in the hopes of keeping my sanity, of staying on the path my parents wanted and my family expected. I was the oldest, the role model, the one to carry on the values and principles of the Dorset name.
In one fleeting moment, I’d unknowingly cracked all those carefully placed walls. Ten seconds, maybe less, and I’d demolished the exoskeleton of deceptions I’d cultivated over the years.
Fuck him.
Fuck Asher.
Jesus Christ.
How had I not known?
I’d kissed a man. A fuckingman.
And it was as bad as I’d expected.
Well, no, not bad. Maybe devastating? Yeah, that was better.
The kiss had been devastating to the well-organized denial I’d lived with since I was a teenager. The door I’d bricked over, painted over, and shoved countless baggage in front of had resurfaced. Not only was it standing right in my face, but it was slightly ajar.
