My assistant, bless his heart, had been feeding me notices on where my father was and when he was heading my way.I’d conveniently been “out to meetings” or “in the restroom” whenever he stopped by, but that couldn’t last forever. Eventually, I’d have to face my parents. The question would be with what? Acquiescence or rebellion?
“I’m taking you to lunch, and you can’t say no,” William announced as he walked into my office on … Wait, what day was it?
I’d moved from my desk chair to the window at some point. The Cressmann downtown skyline wasn’t as impressive in daylight, but I wasn’t looking for inspiration. I’d been staring at the same numbers for an hour or more and only seeinghisface,hissmile. However, the change in elevation didn’t make him go away.
“No,” I said to the window.
He’d been telling the truth, though. William didn’t take my no and physically pulled me from my office, taking me to one of our favorite haunts nearby. A dimly lit tavern with great food and even better spirits that I couldn’t taste.
“Gym after work?”
“No,” I answered William with the same enthusiasm I’d said no to catching dinner, clubbing, and heading to a strip club because somehow, he knew I was in a breakup. Perhaps there was a look no one talked about. Like when people were happy or sad, they had set expressions people knew by name. Maybe I worethe breakupwithout realizing it.
“Fuck, man. How’d you screw this up?” He was trying to lift my spirits, trying to get me to laugh. I had no doubt Asher would’ve already succeeded.
I lifted my gaze from the soup I’d let turn cold to my best friend. But could I call him that? Did he know me at all?
His hopeful smile fell.
“Did she mean that much to you?” he asked.
“He.” And that was it. One word. Simple. Common, even, but meaningful.
“Pardon?” William leaned forward.
“He,” I said again. Louder, surer. Was there ever a right time for this? Maybe, but right could also mean now. It was as good as any, and compared to what I’d already endured, this was easy.
Perspective, yet again.
Even without him, Asher was my teacher. Now, he’d given me the ultimate lesson. If I could survive without him, then I could survive anything. Even this. Even coming out, something I’d hidden for twenty years.
“I was dating a man.”
He scrunched his brows and cocked his head. “What are you saying right now? You’re gay?”
I nodded.
“Since when?”
“Always.”
The tilt of his head deepened as he stared. I stared back, not knowing how this would go, but honestly, I didn’t care. It took four stages of breakup to realize I’d already taken my hardest step in coming out. I had allowed someone in. I had opened my heart to a man, to someone I could love. I’d given in to the emotion I’d been taught to hide. This, coming out to William, wasn’t insignificant, but it wasn’t the evil I’d tricked myself into believing.
I couldn’t control how he reacted. I couldn’t control anyone but myself. Yet I’d let others do it for me for far too long.
God, hindsight was a nasty bitch.
Finally, he snorted and lifted one corner of his mouth into that sly grin. “Well, this explains a shit ton.”
“You mad?”
“Maybe.” He shrugged, then waved it away. “Nah. I’ve got a cousin who’s gay. Not saying I can relate, but he had a hard time coming out.”
I snickered. “A cousin?”
“Yeah.”
I sucked in my lips to keep from laughing.
