Maybe I’d hoped he saw how easy it could be to love me openly too. That I’d love him openly if he would give me the chance.
“Asher.” He traced my lips with his thumb, then lifted my chin. “I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you before and after. It’s really okay.”
It wasn’t okay, but I didn’t say that. I didn’t give in to the worry in my heart, to my own weakness of not being enough. Who was I without my huge family? Who was I other than a babysitter, a comedian? Luke was grown, established. Who was I to think myself so important he would disrupt all he had built for me?
“Yeah.” I swallowed the pain, the doubts. “Yeah, of course.” I cleared my throat. “You’ve got this.”
Headingintoworkthe next day wasn’t the drudgery I’d expected. At least, not initially.
A marked absence had left my bed cold and my home too quiet, but Asher sent a picture of his morning to-go coffee and one of himself, telling me how much the coffee sucked without mydick dip, how much he couldn’t wait for our planned breakfast date this weekend.
He missed me.
He made me his priority.
Those pretty eyes of his and the smile that spoke to my heart stared at me every time I glanced at my phone because I’d made it my new background image on my home screen. I’d purposefully put myself out there, only to myself, but further than I’d dared before.
Work was the same, but with Asher checking in, saying “hi” for no reason at all, sending jokes and memes, everything was—better.
I wanted to see Asher right after work, I didn’t want to wait for the weekend, but it was Wednesday. A fucking school nightbecause I was dating a fucking college student.
I chuckled and shook my head. “Who am I?” I whispered to myself.
Since high school, maybe before, I’d been this straightlaced, no-flash, direct kind of person. I said what I meant, but I never said much. I followed the rules; I kept myself in check. Asher had shown me a way to free myself. Not for him, well, not only for him but for me. For Luke. For the man I had chained in the dark.
Then, just before noon, the first test of my newfound outlook presented itself.
My father wants to meet for lunch today.
Ash
I have a team on standby with toilet paper and water guns.
Lol. Probably not necessary. I’m thinking of telling them. At least, coming out. They don’t need to know about Ashley, only Asher.
Ash
Okay. I’ll skip my next class. You don’t have to do this alone.
No, it’s fine. It will be fine. I appreciate your support, but I need to be able to do this on my own.
Shouldbe able to was what I meant. Grown-ass man. Financial stability, even without my family’s money. A solid reputation in the industry. The support of someone who cared about me. I had it better than many, and I needed to prove I was worthy of it. Thewords were simple, yet in the face of my parents, would I find my courage?
An hour later, I was shown into my father’s office. Much bigger than my own, with a large, round table for meetings such as this, set with a prepared lunch ready and waiting.
And so werebothof my parents.
Not much was said as we took our initial bites of—something. I hadn’t bothered to pay attention, only studied them. Mother lifted her chin, managing to stare me down from her shorter height. Father drummed his fingers on the shining mahogany table. No doubt this was concerning my date for their New Year’s party.
In all my years at home and as an adult, I had very few memories where any meal was an event shared with only immediate family and none with only the three of us. However, in a concerning breach of Dorset protocol, I faced them in this grotesque intervention of sorts with a brave face and shaking hands.
Then again, they wouldn’t have had this particular conversation with other ears present.
The tender meat turned to rubber in my mouth as I chewed slowly, repeating in my mind what I’d just heard, before taking a sip of water. “Say that again, please.”
Father cleared his throat, and for the first time, I realized where I’d picked up the habit. The unconscious gesture to delay the words I’d rather not say.
“Luke, you must understand—” he said, not repeating himself as I asked.
