“Okay, go ahead,” she said cautiously.
He rubbed the back of his neck, visibly uncomfortable. She’d never seen him like this before. When he spoke again, he was quiet. Uncertain.
“Did you mean it? What you said to me in the cell?” he asked, finally looking at her. His gaze rooted her to the spot. “Or did you just say it because you thought you were going to die?”
What? Of course I meant it.
She was so shocked he’d asked it. So shocked he doubted it, that she actually hesitated to answer. It was only a second. But too long. She saw it in the hardening of his expression, the tightening of his jaw. All but heard the walls go up. His mouth pulled into a half-smile, an attempt at nonchalance.
“It’s fine if you didn’t,” he said quickly, pulling his hand away. “People say all sorts of things in those situations. I won’t hold you to it.”
She stared at him incredulously.
“You don’t owe me anything,” he continued. It sounded flat. Rehearsed.
He really thinks I didn’t mean it.
She reached for his hand again. “Of course I meant it. How could you even think–”
“Why?” The word burst out of him.
She blinked at him. “What?”
“Why would you say that? How could you possibly mean it?”
Because it’s true – how could I not?
“Sebastian–”
“You don’t know what I’ve done. Who I am. The men I’ve killed.” His eyes were wild now. “You chased me halfway across the realm because you thought I was the enemy, and now – what? Now you love me?”
“Yes, I do.”
He shook his head. “You love the part of me I showed you. The one who laughed with you at campfires. Who held your hand in the dark.” A harsh breath escaped him. “That’s not all of me, Kara. You saw a glimpse of it this morning, what I’m capable of. But you don’t know the rest.”
“Then tell me,” she said steadily.
“You don’t want to know–” he broke off, standing suddenly. “You’d take it back. You’d be afraid of me.” He stalked away from her.
You idiot. You beautiful, brave idiot. You think I’d only love the easy parts of you?
“I wouldn’t be,” she said, calm and sure. “I’ve never been afraid of you. And I’ve seen enough to know. You fought through that prison to reach me. I’ve never felt safer than when you walked into that cell.”
He gave a jagged laugh, shaking his head. “Well, I suppose there are worse reasons to fall in love than watching a man slaughter a dozen prison guards.”
“Seriously?” She lifted her brows at him. “You’re deflecting.”
“I’m trying to show you how absurd, how...ridiculousthis is, Kara,” he argued, raking a hand through his hair.
“No. You’re scared.”
“I’m not,” he said, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze.
She stood too, closed the space between them. When she reached him, she placed a gentle palm to his cheek, and made him look at her.
“When they told me I was going to the pyre,” she said, her voice breaking, “I–I couldn’t think. Not about the fire, or dying, or any of it. All I could think of was you, Sebastian. Just you. Because I... I love you. More than anything.”
But it was plain in the look he gave her – he didn’t believe her.
