Killi flinched and it was all the answer Kade needed.
“Ah,” Kade breathed, the pain in his chest swelled to bursting. “Of course.”
Killi’s hands came up to hold him, soft but firm. There was nothing he could say to make this better.
“Tell me,” Kade begged. He didn’t want to know. “Tell me.”
“All that I am, is tied to him.” Killi’s voice was cold, distant, like he wasn’t affirming Kade’s nightmare. “If he dies—whenhe dies—I….”I’ll die with him.
No onedared to bind themselves so wholly to another, to pledge the entirety of theirento another being…
It was suicide.
It was too much. Kade pitched forward, his forehead hit Killi’s chest, and he broke. His mouth hung open in shock. His eyes wet and wide. It was as if his entire world had tilted beneath his feet and he was left whirling.
Going numb, Kade’s knees buckled. Catching him, Killihelped him to the floor, drawing him close, his head tucked under Killi’s chin.
“Breathe,” said Killi. “Breathe.”
“How could you?” Kade gasped. He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. “How could you agree to this?”
All that I am, Killi had said. His entire being. All of hisen.
Fyar was stealing Killi all over again. Taking him away from Kade.Again.
Kade had been naive to think that Killi belonged to him, even for a moment. Killi had always been Fyar’s, and he always would be.
They were one entity—KilliwasFyar—one sided as it was. There was no way the king would tie himself to another. There was no way he would risk it.
“I’m sorry,” was all Killi said. “I’m sorry.”
It was no comfort.
Closing his eyes, Kade took a few deep breaths to steady himself. “Is that the king’s blood on your trousers?”
A beat of silence. “No. The king wasn’t attacked in that way.”
“Oh.”
“I need to get ready. Can you stand on your own?”
When Kade shook his head, Killi helped him over to perch on the end of the bed. Then, he stepped away and began swapping out his bloodstained sleeping clothes for the dark fabrics of his uniform.
Kade watched him, feeling like he wasn’t all there. “If he wasn’t attacked, then what was it?”
“You know I can’t tell you.”
“Why not? The king’s health and general well-being just jumped to the top of my priority list. I’m hardly a threat to himnow, am I?”
Killi paused, his eyes flickering over to Kade. “Were you ever?”
“I could have been.” Kade had fantasized about it enough times for it to be considered unhealthy.
Having finished pulling on his jacket, Killi shoved his feet into his high boots and began fixing the laces. Kade’s eyes followed his deft fingers.
“Poison, then?” Kade simply shrugged at Killi’s glare. “It makes sense. It’s the easiest option if it wasn’t a physical attack. You really aren’t that great at secrets, Killi. As the Captain of the King’s Guard you should really work on that.”
“I think I’m plenty good at secrets,” Killi scoffed. “You can just read me too well.”
