“How could I? I was meant to be your brother. I was meant to be your protector. My only purpose in this world is to keep you safe, to keep you happy, so how could I even think of tainting you with…this?I thought I was protecting you. I had to protect you from me.”
Kade scowled. “Is that really how you thought of it? Is that really what you remember?”
“What do you mean?”
“It wasn’t like that for me.” Kade bit his lip, struggling to find the right words. “I never thought of it—of you—that way. My protector, sure, but my brother? It’s a bit looser than that, no? You were my parents' ward, and they were horrible to you. They were never your family, Killi. They couldn’t be. I thought you saw that too, since you never really seemed to care about them. And since they weren’t your family…I wasn’t either. We were family in name only, and barely even that.”
Understanding bloomed in Killian’s chest.
“You were always more than that label,” Kade continued. “You were everything. You were my entire world. You were neveronlymy brother.I guess that’s why I’ve never had the same issues you seem to have had when it came to the idea of us. Of what we are. Of what we’ve become. It always just seemed like the natural course of things, for me.”
Blinking, Killian took a moment to process that. He couldn’tsay he’d ever expected that or if he really liked the notion. That they’d never been on the same page at all. Ever. It should ease some of the guilt Killian felt, but it didn’t, instead it weirdly stung. He was left questioning an entire portion of who he was.
Kade gently smoothed the pad of his finger over where Killian’s brow furrowed. “Does that make you sad?”
“No? Yes? I don’t know. Maybe. It’s a lot to think about.”
“We have all the time in the world.” Kade began idly tracing the lines of Killian’senilover his chest, perfectly happy to wait in silence for Killian’s mind to catch up. Though his hands on Killian’s body definitely weren’t helping.
After an eternity of going around and around in his head, Killian let out a humorless laugh. “I nearly fucked everything up. We were so close to not having this.”
“That’s not true,” Kade disagreed. “Despite your best efforts, I would have—and did—make sure we ended up right where we needed to be. We’re here now. We made it. Finally."
Finally.Finally. Finally.The word whispered reverently.
Where they were always headed.
“We did.” Killian clung to Kade, just held on like letting go would kill him. “Prepare yourself. I’ll never let you go now. Even if you cry and beg and scream, even if you one day come to hate me, I’ll never let you go.” He paused, expression stuttering. “I can’t shake the thought that I’m dooming you because of it, stealing away the rest of your life.”
Never once did Kade flinch. “Steal it then. Doom me. Whatever you want, just never leave me.” He was deadly serious. “I have no intentions of letting you go either, you know. I’ll bind you to me in every way I can, Killian del Torau. You are my life.”
Killian could die. He could just keel over and die. Death by pretty words and stupidly beautiful eyes and a heart so full it burst.
“I don’t deserve you,” Killian whispered, nuzzling against Kade’s temple.
“You don’t,” teased Kade, smiling and leaning into Killian’s touch. “But you’ll have me. All of me. As I’ll have all of you. I’ll accept nothing less than your full commitment.”
“You’ve always had it.”
“Not always.”
Ah. “My heart has never strayed. Even if I’ve been a bit loose with the rest of me.”
“That’s not what I meant. Though there is that, too.” Slowly, Kade wrapped his fingers around the breadth of Killian’s throat, squeezing just hard enough for him to recognize the warning in it. “I meant your master. As long as you’re his, you’ll never be all mine. And that kills me.”
That was an intoxicatingly possessive statement. Killian was delighted.
“I hate that he has parts of you I’ll never know. Memories with you I’ll never hear. Marks on your skin I can’t make.”
Killian grinned. “Want to make a vow with me, love?”
“No vow you could make me could compare to whateverthisis,” said Kade, glaring at the expanse of Killian’senil. “But don’t worry. I’ll put my mark on you someday. Wait a little longer.”
“I’d wait forever for you.”
Softening at that, Kade dragged Killian into a kiss.
Helpless to do anything but, Killian rolled them backwards onto the mattress and crawled up Kade’s body, pressing light kisses across his stomach and chest as he went. He took Kadeslow the second time, like he’d always wanted to, so loving and sweet that it almost hurt. There was no rush in either of their movements. They had time.
