44
Violet
Sunlight was streamingthrough the windows when I finally awoke, and for a moment, panic seized me. I rolled over, squinting at the clock on the nightstand.
11:47 AM.
Shit.I'd totally missed—
Wait.
The chaos of the last twelve hours rushed back to my mind, and I remembered that I had the next five days off training for the compassionate leave granted to me by the Council. Our flight to California didn’t leave until 4:45 this afternoon, so I still had plenty of time.
I exhaled slowly, my racing heart beginning to settle. Then I became aware of another presence in the bed.
I rolled back over to see Julian sitting beside me, back resting against the bedhead. He was still wearing the same clothes from last night, and he was looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite read.
“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked, my voice still husky with sleep.
“A while,” he said. “I came to check on you around nine. You were sleeping so deeply I didn't want to wake you.”
“So you just sat down and watched me sleep for three hours?”
“Yeah. Is that creepy?"
I let out a dry laugh. “Honestly… after everything else that’s happened to me lately, it barely even registers on the creepy scale.”
A ghost of a smile touched his lips, but it faded quickly. He looked exhausted. Shadows under his eyes, tension in his shoulders, the kind of bone-deep weariness that came from more than just one sleepless night.
“You should lie down,” I said softly. “You look like you haven't slept at all.”
“I didn’t.” He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it slightly disheveled. “Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured you standing in that Council chamber, and then I kept thinking about...” He trailed off, jaw tightening.
“Thinking about what?”
“I thought you might tell them you wanted to leave.” The words came out quiet, almost vulnerable. “I spent all of last night preparing myself for it. Trying to figure out how I'd let you go without falling apart completely.”
“But I stayed,” I said, brows knitting.
“Yeah. I know.” He looked at me again, and there was something raw in his eyes. “I still don't understand why.”
“You want to know why I chose to stay even though we’ve found Cal’s killer now?”
He nodded. “You told me you were only staying for that. So what’s changed?”
I took a slow breath, trying to organize the tangled mess of feelings in my chest into something coherent.
“Finding Cal's killer was supposed to give me closure,” I said. “It was supposed to make everything make sense. And it did, alittle. But it also made me realize...” I paused, trying to figure out my next words.
Julian's expression shifted as he waited for me to continue, becoming more intent.
“Do you remember what I told you yesterday morning?” I finally went on. “When I said I have feelings for you?”
He nodded. “You said you’ve always had them on some level, but you never wanted to admit it.”
“Yeah. And they wouldn’t go away no matter how much I wanted them to,” I said. “I was so confused by that.”
His hand came up to rest on my knee, warm through the thin fabric of the pajamas I was still wearing. "Violet—"
