Lifefeltpeacefulinway Crisp couldn’t explain. He ran his fingers through Jay’s soft hair, guiding the strands to where he needed them, and snipped. Cutting hair was a skill he had developed over time. His venture into being a barber had started with Field. The jokester of their family was also very broken. He had already been a fully programmed graduate of their spy training. Sometimes his buttons got stuck in kill mode, and Field did things he hated. He didn’t trust himself. There was no way he could go to a shop and allow a stranger to come at him with scissors. If triggered, he might do anything. So Crisp had watched several tutorials online and taught himself to cut hair. It was an arrangement that Crisp loved. Maybe being a hairstylist had been his calling in life. But he didn’t think he would enjoy the process with someone he didn’t know. With Jay, Crisp loved every second of complete focus. The thought of Field brought up another line of thinking he hadn’t considered.
“Where did you learn to do this?”
Crisp nearly sighed in relief at the break from his thoughts. Jay’s question gave him an opening. “Online. I learned for Field. He’s never been fully deprogrammed.”
“Yeah. You wouldn’t want him going berserk in a barber shop.”
The opening just kept getting wider. “Exactly. Now that I think about it, I’m curious. That’s never happened to you. You’re fully programmed. I wonder why you don’t seem to have any violent outbursts.”
Jay didn’t respond right away. The more the silence dragged on, the more Crisp wished he would have left the topic alone. Thankfully, Jay didn’t leave him worrying for long. “Maybe you’re my outlet.”
Crisp froze. He wasn’t sure if he should be flattered or insulted. “How do you mean?”
Jay shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel myself slipping away to the point where I feel nothing. No emotions. I could kill anyone in my path and not blink an eye. No regrets. Then I see you and emotions rush back to me. I know I love you and could never hurt you. That includes not harming anyone you care about. Maybe loving you is healing me.”
Crisp melted inside. He set his hand on Jay’s shoulder and squeezed. “I love you.”
Jay turned his head and kissed Crisp’s hand. “I love you too.”
He ran his fingers through Jay’s hair again. This time, he gave it a shake, trying to knock any loose stray hairs out. “There. I think I’ve—” His phone rang, cutting him off. Crisp glanced at it. “It’s Foster.”
Jay stood and gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll jump in the shower while you take your call.”
With a parting smile, Jay headed for the bathroom. Crisp answered and immediately switched it to speaker so he could sweep and talk.
“Hello?”
“Hey, man. How’s Hawaii treating you?”
A grin split Crisp’s face at the sound of Foster’s voice. “I’m actually loving it here. I miss you guys a lot sometimes, but you know…” He knew Foster got it. Hawaii was home now. As much as he missed his brothers, his life was here.
Luckily, Foster didn’t drag that conversation out for inspection. “How do you feel about me heading that way? There’s never really been anything holding me here. Maybe I can come stay with you guys for a while.”
Crisp knew Foster. Likely, he knew him better than anyone else. Crisp saw behind the indifference in his tone. “I’d love that. But if you need someone to talk to now, I’m here. I have all the time in the world for you.” As much as he wanted to jump in the shower with Jay, he was in brother mode now. There hadbeen many nights, even before their escape, that Crisp had spent entire nights talking to Foster. Sometimes he missed that more than he wanted to admit.
“I guess I’ve been missing you a lot these past few weeks. Without you here—” Foster stopped dead, as if he worried he might say something that would upset Crisp.
That hurt Crisp’s heart because he knew Foster feeling that way was his fault. “I haven’t been a very good friend lately. Obviously, I’m always just a phone call away, but I know you. I should’ve reached out.”
“No, we’re not kids anymore. You shouldn’t have to drop everything for me.” Foster snorted. “Fuck, dude. I’m mentally spent.”
Crisp’s heart climbed into his throat. He hadn’t heard Foster like this in a long time. “Book your flight. First one out. I’ll pick you up at the airport.” He held his breath until Foster responded.
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll let you go, and see what I can figure out.”
Crisp was on full alert now. He needed Foster to get there so Crisp could see his face. Once he got a good look at Foster’s expression, maybe then he would know the right thing to say. “Keep me posted. You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah. You know I love you, right?”
Crisp chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Goodnight, Crispy.”
Crisp groaned, even though he didn’t mean it as the call disconnected. For several minutes, he stared into space. He held the broom but made no effort to sweep. There was an invisible weight sitting on his chest. He hadn’t heard Foster upset in a while. Crisp had been neglecting his brothers. Crisp needed to be better. But right now, he needed Jay even more.
He dropped the broom. The cleaning crew could get it in the morning. Crisp made his way to the bathroom. This wasn’t about sex or seduction. He needed Jay’s arms around him. Maybe he wouldn’t feel like such a bad person. Foster obviously needed him. He could have missed anything in Foster’s life in the past year and a half, but he had been too wrapped up in his life. When Foster got here, Crisp would make things better. His phone chirped, pulling his focus the device’s way.
Foster:I’m taking Beau’s jet. He says a car will be waiting for me at the airstrip, so no reason for you to get out in the middle of the night.
