But Cam still looked dubious. “Don’t you want to actuallylikethe person? For them to like you?”
Yes,Trevor thought to himself, and then had to banish away the annoyingly persistent thought of,but does Lane?He seemed to like him better these days, but maybe that was just a side effect of great orgasms.
“Dude,” Jordo said.
“Fine, okay. Fair. No judgment,” Cam said.
“I mean, a little judgment,” Trevor added.
But Jordan just laughed. “Next time we meet up like this, I’m gonna be full of super hot hookup stories, and you two are gonna be jealous.”
Cam gave him a dubious look that Trevorfelt.
But if Jordan wanted that, wanted to believe that he was going to be living it up, getting all the anonymous sex he was looking for, good for him.
They finished up, paid the check, and then after giving both Cam and Jordan hugs and exchanging promises that they’ddefinitelybe doing this again—hopefully without Jordan smugly oversharing every detail of his exploits—Trevor tugged his jacket on and pulled on a hat, low over his ears.
“I’m heading your way,” Jordan said to Trevor. And that’s right, Jordan lived in the building next to Lane’s. They went out into the freezing cold wet rain and skirted along the buildings before turning towards to the next building, where they headed down the escalator to the PATH entrance on its basement floor.
Jordan was surprisingly quiet, until Trevor was pushing open the door to the underground system of hallways that crisscrossed downtown Toronto. “Hey,” he said, “I want you to know, seriously no hard feelings.”
“I didn’t think there were any,” Trevor said, worrying suddenly that he’d missed one. That maybe Jordandidlike Lane, and Trevor had fucked that up.
“No, really, there aren’t. But I bet it wasn’t easy, sitting there, listening to me talk about him like that,” Jordan said, sounding both awkward and earnest.
And that tracked. Jordan wasn’t earnest about much; it wouldn’t be easy for him to shift into that. But then, Trevor also knew he was seeing a therapist. Trying to figure his shit out. Maybe the newfound earnestness was one of those things—though maybe it wasn’t so muchnewas just uncovered. Revealed, finally.
“No,” Trevor said, “but you didn’t know, so it’s cool. Chill.”
“Good,” Jordan said, nodding.
“And you’re not like . . .” Trevor hesitated. “Not like torn up about it, right?”
Jordan threw back his head and laughed. “Oh, dude, no. Donotworry if I’m all torn up about it. ’Cause I’m not.”
Trevor felt relief. Of course he did. He wasn’t a monster. He didn’t want Jordan to pine after Lane, when he was unavailable. But whywouldn’tJordan be torn up about it? Shouldn’t he be? Lane was . . .well, Lane was pretty fucking amazing. Anyone should be at least a little upset they didn’t get him the way Trevor was.
“Good.” Trevor didn’t know what else to say. It would be so stupid to admit to any of that. Like exposing some part of himself that he hadn’t even fully admitted to his own brain, yet.
Jordan patted him on the back before he turned to head to his own building. “Have a good night,” he said, with an exaggerated leer. “Arealgood night, if you know what I mean.”
Trevor rolled his eyes and shoved Jordan through the doorway.
A few minutes later, he was heading up in the elevator in Lane’s building, up to his floor.
When he let himself into the apartment, it was quiet. Lane’s bedroom door was open, and when Trevor poked his head in, still unsure if that was a place hebelongedyet, it was empty.
Settling onto the couch, Trevor pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Talk?he sent to Delia, and a second later, his screen flashed with a FaceTime notification.
“Oh, honey, you’re all pale,” Delia fussed, her bright eyes appearing on the screen. Her blond hair was graying at the temples, but she was just as pretty as she’d been when Trevor had met her the first time. Her smile just as warm.
She wasn’t his mother, but then she’d never tried to be. Never tried to replace the mom he’d lost. She’d justbeenthere for him. Caring about him, at first, and then loving him, steadfastly, like Trevor was her own, and it hadn’t taken Trevor very long to start loving her back just as fiercely.
She might not beMom, but she wasDelia, and that was just as special.
“It’s freezing here and I just got home,” Trevor said dryly.
