“I know.” Lane downed half his coffee. “But he told me, and it was like my whole brain went offline.”
“All the blood went straight to your dick,” Ramsey chimed in again.
Nate didn’t even bother to argue with that assessment this time, which really said it all.
“Yeah that, but also . . . he wantedadvice. God, I’m the worst person to go to for advice.”
“Please tell me you offered if he needed to experiment, you were one hundred and ten percent available,” Nate said.
Lane groaned.
“Unbelievable,” Ramsey muttered.
“Lane,” Nate said, undeniable reprimand in his voice, “did it occur to you that Trevor was tellingyoubecause hewantedyou to offer?”
It had. But it had also occurred to Lane that he might not be able to touch Trevor and go back from it.
But also, wouldn’t it be better to know what it was like once and for all? Maybe if he finally could touch Trevor the way he’d dreamed about for so long, he’d be able to satisfy the craving and then dismiss it forever.
“I just . . . I fucking blanked, okay? It wasnotmy best moment.”
“Sounds like it,” Nate said in a gentler voice. “How did you leave it?”
“I fucking told him to download Grindr,” Lane said. He couldn’t believe he’d madethatsuggestion. Had he lost his goddamn mind?
“Oh my God,” Ramsey said.
“Seriously?” Nate asked.
Lane buried his face in his hands again. “I’m so fucking stupid.”
“Nobody is arguing with that,” Ramsey pointed out dryly.
“Babe, you gotta take it easy on him. Have another cappuccino,” Nate chided gently.
“He deserves it,” Ramsey said.
“No, he’s right. I deserve it,” Lane whined. “What was Ithinking?”
“You weren’t.” Nate patted him on the knee. “But positively, you can fix this.”
Lane wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this. But what else could he do but listen? He’d already fucked this up, enough.
“Did you at least give him the coming out pep talk?” Nate asked.
And God, he hadn’t even done that. He’d handled this about as shitty as he could, from beginning to end.
“Nope,” Lane admitted morosely.
“Well, start there,” Nate suggested, much kinder than Lane deserved. “Make sure you hit all the talking points. Everyone accepts you. It’s okay to be finding yourself. Experimentation is good—”
“Butnoton Grindr,” Ramsey inserted slyly.
“I mean, normally,” Nate said with a shrug, “I wouldn’t even blink about suggesting that, but not if you can’t sit back and watch him actually do it. Can you?”
Could he?
Maybe it wasn’t fair to Trevor, but even the thought of it made Lane’s stomach sour. Not just because he wanted Trevor himself, but so many guys on Grindr were total assholes. Selfish and shitty. An effective way to figure out if you were into guys, maybe, but ultimately probably an experience that Trevor wouldn’t look back on with fondness.
