“How did you know you were gay?” Trevor had tried to come up with a softer, more subtle introduction to the question, but finally decided maybe the more direct approach was better.
From the way Lane jerked in surprise, sending at least a dozen puzzle pieces cascading to the floor, maybe that hadn’t been the best tactic to take.
“Shit sorry,” Lane said, leaning down and picking them up, depositing them back onto the table.
When he finished, Trevor looked at him expectantly. “So?”
Lane opened his mouth and then snapped it shut. “How did I know I was gay?”
Trevor nodded intently. “Yes.”
“Uh. Um. Well. I just . . . I justdid. I never felt the same way my friends all did, about girls. Even at eleven and twelve. I just . . .knew.”
That was not really the answer Trevor had hoped for. He didn’tjust know. If he didn’t, did that mean he was undergoing this crisis for nothing?
“Oh.” Trevor wished hehadn’tasked.
“But,” Lane said, continuing like Trevor hadn’t said anything, “that doesn’t mean someone else would be the same.”
“What do you mean?” Trevor asked carefully. Not sure of how much he wanted to say. If he should say anything. Maybe he should tell Lane to forget he’d said it at all.
“I mean, just because that’s how it went for me, doesn’t mean that’s how it goes for everyone.” Lane breathed out unsteadily. “Are you thinking . . .” He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t need to for Trevor to understand his meaning.
“Um. Maybe? I don’t know.” Trevor hesitated. “I’ve been thinking about it. I just . . . it takes a lot for me to like someone. And girls? I don’t feel the way everyone else seems to about them. I thought I might just be a late bloomer, but after getting here? And spending time with the guys, whoaren’tstraight? It just made me wonder, if maybe I’d missed something about myself.”
Lane looked shellshocked. Heshouldn’tbe so surprised, Trevor thought. It wasn’tthatcrazy. He was only twenty-two years old, for God’s sake. What was it that people were always telling him about finding himself? To not rush it? To take his time? Well, he freakingwas.
“Are you . . .” Lane swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in a way that Trevor didn’t think it normally did. “Are you attracted to men, then?”
Trevor hadn’t expected him to ask the question quite so directly, but there it was, blunt and impossible to shy away from, even if Trevor wanted to.
And he didn’tnotwant to.
“Uh. Yeah. Think so.”
I’ve been trying not to stare at your chest for the last ten minutes, so pretty sure, yeah.
But there was no way Trevor could say that without making it weird. Making itweirder.
“Huh.Huh.” Lane stared at him.
Trevor had expected that Lane would have something to say about this. He wasn’t normally the most expressive or communicative guy, but he’d liked to think they’d formed some kind of relationship. Something, anyway, that might mean he’d get more than a mutteredhuh.
“What do you think I should do?”
Lane swallowed hard again. Trevor didn’t know why he was tracing the way his throat worked with his eyes. Okay, no, that was a lie. He knew why. What he didn’t know was why he couldn’t stop.
“What do you mean?”
Trevor was annoyed now. “What do you think I should do about thinking I might not be straight,” he retorted.
Lane flushed. “Oh. Well. Um.”
“Come on, Lane, you’vedonethis.”
He took a deep breath and met Trevor’s eyes. Trevor felt the impact of it with an unexpected jolt. “I’d suggest youdosomething about it,” he said. “Pick up a guy. Download Grindr. Experiment. Figure out if it’s not just attraction, if you want to—” Lane broke off. It was silly because normally, he wasn’t so prudish. Trevor had heard Lane make raunchy jokes and comments with Nate and Levi and a dozen other teammates, straight or otherwise. It was so annoying that Trevor was apparently the exception to this.
“Okay,” Trevor said. Clearly that was the best he was going to get out of Lane, when it came to this subject.
