He couldn’t risk any more outbursts, any more shitty comments that he’d eventually not be able to apologize for, not just poisoning his relationship with Trevor, but his mom, too. Because Delia wouldn’t ever understand, and he wasn’t about to enlighten her, because thenshe’dbe burdened with the knowledge too. The last thing Lane wanted was for her to feel anything but joy and happiness over this new life she was building with her new husband.
When they got back to the house, and after showering, he reached out to a few friends and acquaintances. Something he should’ve done when his initial summer plans had fallen through, but naively he’d thought that after a year away, things would’ve changed.
But they hadn’t changed enough.
Maybe with time and distance, it would. But clearly, it was not there yet.
Maybe he’d even meet a guy who left Trevor’s memory in the dust. After all, it wasn’t like they evenhadanything.They’d never been involved. All he’d ever had was an overactive imagination and hope. Surely it would be easy enough to find something—orsomeone—that could make those things a distant memory.
It took twenty-four more hours, but he finally got a handle on a new living situation from a friend of a friend. Reached out and got his work-study job back.
There was nothing else to do but to tell his mom, that no, sorry, he wouldn’t be spending the summer in Arizona after all.
He waited until it was just her, in the kitchen after dinner.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” he asked, leaning against the counter next to the sink as she rinsed dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
She looked over at him, love and affection clear on her pretty face. “Of course, sweetie. What’s up?”
Lane swallowed hard. He didn’t want to do it, but he didn’t know how to do this. Surely, next year would be easier. Or the year after that.
“I know I said I’d come back to AZ for the summer, but actually, something’s come up.”
Delia flicked off the water and turned to him with a frown on her face. “Something’s come up?”
It was a stupid fucking excuse.
But Lane didn’t want to be the poison ruining this new family unit, curdling it from the inside out. Curdlinghimselffrom the inside out.
“Yeah,” Lane said. “Um. A new opportunity. To train with some guys during the offseason. USC guys.”
“You want to go back to California,” she said carefully. Didn’t ask, Lane noticed. But as careful as she was, it was impossible to mask the disappointment haunting her eyes.
He nodded. Not sure he’d trust himself to speak. To say the right thing—or just more wrong things.
“Is it—”
“No, no, no,” Lane said hurriedly. “It’s not this house or Tom or um . . . Trevor. Or any of that. I promise.”
He hated lying to her, because he’d never had to before. But how could he ruin this happiness for her? Make her regret taking this step and marrying Tom? Not when it clearly filled her with so much satisfaction?
Before Tom had ever showed up, he’d been the one watching out for her. Maybe that was Tom’s responsibility now—Lane had tried to let go of his begrudging resentment overthatpart of the situation—but Lane could do this one last thing for her. Keep his distance until he could be a fuckingnormalpart of this family.
Delia sighed. “I didn’t want it to be like this. I know you were hesitant about the whole situation, but I don’t want to chase you off, Lane. You’re part of this family, too.”
“I know I am,” Lane said. He knew it so fucking well he couldn’t escape it.
“As long as it’s really about this workout opportunity, and not that you don’t feel like you belong.”
“I . . . I just really want to go do this. I think it’ll help me get a leg up, for next season. And this last season was already so good.”
She nodded, and at least the disappointment was warring with pride in her eyes, now. Wrapping her arms around him, she gave him a tight hug. Then didn’t let him go. Murmured into his ear, “I know football’s got a chokehold on you now, sweetheart, but I want you to remember you’re more than just a football player, okay?”
Lane swallowed hard, against the rush of emotion. “I’ll remember.”
She let him go. “So proud of you,” she said.
And that was maybe worse than anything else.
