I don’t bother apologizing to her as I storm out of the tavern. There’s not any excuse for what I did, and I don’t deserve the fake smile she’d give me to ensure her own safety.
At this point, I have to hope that Sabina’s magic does come in. And that it far surpasses Caiden’s. Maybe she’ll kill him in his sleep.
She won’t do anything against him while Anya is still a captive. I think I broke her heart enough that my death won’t be enough to keep her in line. At least I could do that for her.
“What the fuck was that?” Caiden shouts as he storms out of the tavern.
I spin to face him, jaw tight, fists clenched. There’s only one way out of this. I have to let her go. Completely. “You know what? You’re right. She’s all yours. Rebel, princess; Sabina, Taylan. Whoever the fuck she is, you two deserve each other. And you know what? Maybe she’ll grow to love you. Maybe she’ll be your little pawn, and the two of you can rule over a festering empire together.”
His forehead creases, and he studies me. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Because I remember what it was like when the magic came in. How after, none of us were the same. Even if I wanted to challenge you for her, we both know who she is now, is not who she’ll be.” It’s what I need to believe. What I’ll need to tell myself on repeat until I no longer crave her the way I crave air I breathe.
“And I’ll be there for her through it,” he says gently. “I might have ulterior motives for keeping her around, but I can also care about her. I can see why you fought for her. She’s special.”
“You can’t care about anyone, Caiden.”
“That’s not true. I just know it’s too risky to care about people. Look what happened to you with your sister. And to her with her best friend. True caring is weakness I can’t afford.”
“You’re wrong. It’s not weakness. Loving someone is strength you don’t have.” I make myself uncurl my fists.
“Maybe. But there’re things even you don’t know about. Things that make everything I do, every risk I take, every person I kill, a worthy sacrifice.” The anger has dissipated. He suddenly looks exhausted and much older than his years.
He sees himself as some self-important ruler who sacrifices for a crown that does far more harm than good. He’s just like his father. “Power isn’t worth all that.”
“You have no idea what true power is, Brevan. And you have no idea the lengths I’d take to stop it.”
“Then tell me,” I say.
“No. You broke my trust far too many times.” He chuckles darkly. “It’s funny. I used to see you as my brother. Then you taught me that the people you love the most are the ones who can hurt you the easiest.”
Twenty-Seven
Sabina
Antonia leads me down the hall, and up several flights of stairs, until we’re in a part of the estate I haven’t been in yet. Nate follows at a distance that’s probably intended to give the illusion of privacy. I’m sure he can still hear everything we say.
Something floral and herbal fills the air and I breathe it in, trying to identify the scent. “What is that?”
“They must have lit the incense,” she says.
“You found a temple?” It’s the only place I’ve ever seen incense burned.
“Yes. I know how much you enjoyed spending time in the empress’s temple at the castle. I thought you might like this one as well. I asked around, it was also used as the queen’s private temple. They kept it the way she liked after she died.”
I approach slowly, feeling the heavy weight of entering a sacred space pushing down on me. They kept her temple and the greenhouse. “Do you know if there’s anything else here that was hers? Anything they left as it was when she was alive?”
“I’m not sure, but I can ask around,” Antonia says.
Nate waits a few feet away. He’s looking around as if trying to seem like he’s not watching us intently. I know better. “How about you? Do you know of anything?”
“I’m still new to this estate, but I can ask some of the other guards,” he says.
“Of course. And thank you.” I add learning more about the queen to the list of things I must research. What if that’s what Mara was suggesting? What if that’s what’s being hidden from me?
It’s strange how she died. With all the magic she had access to, and her fascination with poisonous plants…How does someone with that kind of power end up poisoned? Did the emperor want her gone for some reason? Did they have an enemy who got that close? Was it someone who was still around? Could they help me now?
I linger outside the doorway, peering in at the darkened space. Only two candles are lit, a stick of incense between them sends a ribbon of smoke curling toward the ceiling.
