My brow furrows. “You can’t be serious.”
“You’re another man’s wife, Sabina. When I think about you, all I can see is Caiden’s lips on yours. You belong to him.”
I scoff. “I don’t belong to anyone.”
“Yes, you do. That’s how it works. You’re a woman. You don’t get to make that choice. You’re Caiden’s. For gods’ sake, you’re the fucking empress. You belong to all of Pendralia. And I’m sworn to protect this empire. Instead, I’m going behind my emperor’s back, myfriend’sback, and sleeping with his wife?”
“You know that wasn’t my choice. I don’t want any of this. I want you. You know that.” I hate the desperation that’s seeping into my voice. I can’t get him back to lose him again.
“You are the most selfish woman I’ve ever met. You want me to sign my sister’s death certificate for you?” He chuckles darkly. “You’re not worth that. You’re not worth her life. You’re not worth the problems you’ll bring when Caiden finds out. And he will find out.”
I can’t breathe. My throat is too tight; my lungs no longer work. I’m trying, desperate to suck in a breath, but they won’t come. The worst part about it is that he’s right.
I’m not worth any of it. I never should have asked this of him. Who was I to put him in this position? It was only a matter of time before he realized how much of a mistake he was making with me.
“Do not show up at my room again, empress. As far as I’m concerned, everything between us ended when I found out who you really are. The Sabina I fell in love with died that night.”
“Empress!”
Someone catches me as I fall, but it’s not Brevan. The man I loved is glaring at me as if I’m nothing. He’s not wrong. I am everything he says I am.
“The emperor will return in a few days. In the meantime, he expects you to remain within the estate walls.” Brevanturns and walks away. He doesn’t look back.
I’m trembling, still unable to breathe. Nate repositions until I’m leaning against his chest, then he pulls me into his arms. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”
His soothing words float over me and around me. Like they’re being said to someone else. They’re not attached to anything or anyone. I’m not anything or anyone. My knees give out and he grips me, keeping me upright. “I’ve got you.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Antonia cries.
“She just received some news. They’re going to get Anya,” he says.
I work to steady my breathing. I can’t let my ladies see me like this. It’s so fucking pathetic. Losing control over a man I hardly knew. Nate senses that I’m steady again, and he releases me.
My face is wet from tears I didn’t recall crying. I wipe them away and force a smile.
Antonia pulls me in for a hug. “I’m so happy for you!” After she steps back, she keeps her hands on my shoulders as if she knows I’m still a little unsteady.
I get the sense that she suspects Nate was covering for me, but she doesn’t let on. “We should throw her a party. Come on, the others will want to hear this news.” She guides me back to the library where Genevieve and Charlotte are watching us with wide eyes.
“Anya’s on her way back!” Antonia announces.
The others gasp and clap and cheer. The atmosphere is suddenly charged with joy. I lean into it, using it as a mask to cover the heartbreak.
Anya is not returning; I am almost certain of that. There’s no way Caiden would bring her here. He doesn’t trust me, and I don’t blame him. Nobody should trust me.
Antonia pulls me close then whispers. “Organize an event. Buy dresses and flowers and fancy food. That’s what they expect of an empress. Play the part so they don’t notice everything else.”
I lift my chin and step away from her. “So, what kind of a celebration should we host?”
“We should do something Anya would enjoy. She’s your best friend, what does she like?” Genevieve asks.
“Well, if the weather was better, I’d say something outdoors,” I manage to say without my voice cracking.
“What if we use the greenhouse? Set up tables out there?” Charlotte suggests.
“That’s a great idea!” Genevieve says. “I can ask the head maid if we can do that. There should be room if we keep it small.”
“I think she’d like that,” I say. “She’d prefer a small group, anyway. Just us is good.”
