“No you can’t.” I bury my face against his chest. It’s the first time I’ve felt safe in a long time but it’s a fleeting sensation. I pull myself free from him. “I should go.”
I walk toward the door, desperate to reach the exit before the tears welling in my eyes overflow.
“I’m here. You should know that. I’m still here for you,” he says.
“I know. You’re a loyal guard.”
“You know that’s not what I mean,” he says.
I risk looking back at him, but he’s completely blurred by my tears. “What else can it mean? You’ve sacrificed everything to keep your sister alive. Don’t give it all up now. You’ve come too far.”
“Sabina?”
“You and I both know that’s not my name.” I turn and leave the room.
I didn’t think my heart could break any more than it already had. I was wrong. Apparently, it could continue to shatter every time I see him. How many more times can I endure that before I just stop breathing?
All the hope I’d felt last night is gone. Stolen by Caiden. My hands ball into fists as I march toward my room.
“Empress? Is there anything you need?” Nate asks.
I shake my head, then enter my room, closing the door behind me. My ladies are pale and silent. All of them staring at me as if I’m about to explode.
“He’s lying.”
“Are you sure?” Genevieve asks.
“No.”
Charlotte walks toward me, a velvet drawstring bag in her hands. “It might be early enough that this would work. You make it into tea. Drink it every two hours.”
I accept the bag from her, but stare at it, uncertain. What if I am with child? Brevan’s child. The man I love but can’t have.
Then I remember Ludis’ threat. Any child of mine would have to live in Iskvaland. That can not happen. I need him gone. One way or another.
I look up at my ladies and find Genevieve. “You think you can get close enough to the prince of Iskvaland?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you want to try?”
“It’s this or an old man chosen by the emperor. Without my parents, there’s nobody to speak for me,” she says.
I swallow hard. “We can’t let him become king. If we can’t stop Caiden before he gets the Iskvalandian army, I’m not sure there’s anything any of us could do.”
“Alright. Can you get me an introduction?” she asks.
“Yes. But he’s…He’s different than he was when we were together. I’m not sure how he’d treat you.”
“I’ll take my chance,” she says.
I nod then my mind moves to find distractions. Planning. Fixing. Making progress somewhere I can control. I begin pacing the room. “We’ll need other plans. Ways to figure out our next steps. Someone told me that I need to find out what’s been hidden from me. But that’s not helpful, of course.”
“Taylan, are you alright?” Charlotte asks. “You know you don’t have to be. You can tell us. You can spend some time worrying about what Caiden said.”
I squeeze the bag in my hands, feeling the sharp herbs poking through the fabric. “I’m fine. I don’t even think it’s possible. I’m certain I haven’t missed my courses.”
“You’re sure?” she asks.
