“What about you? When did you join?” I probably should have asked this before I decided to trust him. I probably should have asked him a lot of questions.
“Two years ago. When my wife was with child.”
“You have a child?” Guilt squeezes my chest. And here I am keeping him away from his family. I should send him back to the castle so he can go home more often.
“No.” His eyes drop. “She was ill, and the pay still wasn’t enough for her medicine.” He forces a smile. “But I have saved. And if she were to fall pregnant again, I think I can afford what she needs.”
“I’m so sorry.” It’s not the first time I’ve heard of a story like this. There’s little access to care for most of us.
He forces a smile. “My problems are not something an empress should worry about.”
“Yes, they are.”
The other guard returns, panting, a bundle of clothing in his arms. “They found a few options.” He moves closer to the tent and I reach out, which exposes more of me than I intended. His cheeks turn pink and he lowers his eyes.
I take the clothes. “Thank you.”
As soon as the flap closes behind me, I hear him shuffle away. “She’s not what I expected.”
“No, she’s not,” Nate answers.
“Do you think she knows who you are?” the guard asks.
“No. And I intend to keep it that way.”
My blood runs cold. Maybe I was wrong about Nate.
Fifteen
Sabina
Shortly after sunrise, Caiden escorts me to my carriage, then closes me in alone. I slide the curtain aside and watch as the countryside slips by. There’s always guards framing me, but never Brevan. I wish I could see him. Speak to him. Touch him. Taste him.
Fuck.
I squeeze my eyes closed. This is exactly why it’s a good thing that I don’t see him. Why it’s good that he’s saying away from me.
Leaning my head back, I take a deep breath. I need people to talk to. I miss Anya. I miss my ladies. It’s surreal, craving their attention when I shouldn’t even be here in the first place. I should be sharing the truth. Telling them I’m nothing and nobody. That I’m just this girl from the mountains. A rebel. A spy. Not even a noble, let alone a royal.
Instead, I’ll arrive pretending to be the empress.
A jolt shoots through me that has me tensing. I’m not pretending. Not anymore. That wedding was real. I married the emperor.
But that doesn’t mean anything, does it?
Empress. Rebel. Spy. Sister. Daughter.
Daughter of Death.
I don’t know what any of it means anymore. But at least I don’t have to pretend I’m royalty. I suppose I really am now. A shiver runs down my spine. It feels wrong. But there’s power to it. And somehow I have to find a way to leverage that to figure everything out.
The problem is that nothing is simple anymore. It was revenge. Then it was saving my friends. And revenge. But now I have Death asking me to find answers.
Anya. She’ll understand. She’ll know what to do. Once I see her, everything will make more sense.
I lean my head against the seat and close my eyes. Soon, I will see my best friend again, and together, we’ll figure this out.
The winter estate is a sprawling brick palace made of white stones that look gray in the fading winter light. The carriage halts in front of the building and Nate opens the door for me, offering his hand to help me out.
