“Do you think you can learn to control it?” she asks after a long silence.
“I hope so,” I say. “I think it would help.”
“With your revenge plot,” she says.
I swallow hard. “That too.”
“You don’t sound very confident about that part anymore,” she says. “Why do I get the feeling that we’re not going to be on the next boat out of here after I’m healed?”
“Because there’s more to all of this. Something they’re not telling us,” I start.
“Of course there is. This whole place is brimming with corruption and betrayal.”
“That’s not what I mean.” I should tell her about Mara, but how do you tell your best friend that a goddess has tasked you with a mystery job? It would be a lot easier to explain when I know what the job is.
“So what is it? Are you—do you have feelings for the new emperor?” Her eyes go wide.
“No, of course not,” I blurt. “It’s not that. I think there’s more that I’m supposed to do. I’m so close to finding answers, I can feel it. About magic and relics, why the king was immortal, how things used to be here, and why they aren’t like that anymore. Did you know that there’re places where people are justbornwith magic?”
“Really?”
“Yes. But that doesn’t happen here. Why is that?” I ask.
“And you think you need to be the one to solve all these mysteries,” she asks skeptically.
“I do,” I admit, maybe for the first time.
“So you can’t kill the emperor because he might have the answers?” she asks. “Or is it that you like being empress?”
“You know that has nothing to do with it. But if I killed him, it would be chaos. I’d be locked out of the resources I need.” I almost don’t believe the words I’m saying. The excuses I’m making.
“That’s how it starts, isn’t it? It’s nice having everything you need or want at your fingertips.” She grabs the salve container from my hands.
“You know that is not it at all,” I snap.
“Sure. Of course not. I’m tired. I think I should sleep.”
I hate the way she’s looking at me, but I don’t blame her. After everything she endured because of me, I don’t know if I’d trust a friend who wanted to stay around the people who’d hurt me.
I grab the tray that’s on the edge of her bed from our earlier dinner then carry it to the other room. I look out at the setting sun as I place it on the table in front of the window. I have a feeling it might be a long night.
Her eyes are closed when I return to her room. “Anya?”
She hums, but she already has the salve spread on her eyes.
“I need you to trust me, alright? There’re some things I can’t say yet. Mostly because you might think I’m insane. But also, because I can’t quite explain it. I promise, I’m going to make things better. And when it’s all over, you and I will get on that ship if that’s what you still want.” I wait, hoping she understands.
Finally, she smiles, then nods. “Alright. I trust you, Tay, I do. If there’s anything I can help with… Well, you know, when I can leave this bed, let me know.”
I cross to her and give her a hug. “Thank you.”
She hugs me back. “Your mom always used to say that you were destined for greatness.”
I chuckle as I release her. “That was her trying to guilt me into doing more for the rebellion.”
“I don’t think it was. I think she saw something in you,” Anya says.
I smile, then my throat tightens. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of any of my family without forcing the memory away. A tear catches me by surprise, and I wipe it away quickly.
