The pattern continued.
He’d text. I’d respond. He’d go silent.
Sometimes for hours.
Sometimes for a whole day.
And every time my phone buzzed, my heart would jump, hoping it was him.
And every time it wasn’t, something in my chest would sink.
I started checking my phone obsessively.
Between trades.
During meals.
In the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep.
Waiting for his name to appear on my screen.
Wondering what he was doing when he wasn’t texting me.
Wondering if he was texting someone else.
The thought made my stomach twist.
Does he have a woman?
The question sat in my mind like a stone.
I had no right to ask.
No right to care.
This was a contract.
A business arrangement.
What he did with his personal life was none of my business.
But it felt like my business.
It felt like it mattered.
And I hated that I couldn’t ask.
Hated that I had no claim to him.
Hated that I wanted one.
Day Twelve
My phone buzzed at 11 PM.
I grabbed it.
Amai:You sleeping?
