"I want to tell you something."
She didn't respond, just looked at me.
"I know I did things wrong before," I said. "When I first got here, saying that stuff about giving you a better life, that was stupid. All this I'm doing now, deliveries, surfing, staying here, it's not about making up for anything."
"I just want you to know I'm not here out of guilt. I'm here because I love you. If you ever need me for anything, just say it. I'm right here."
No expression on her face. After a moment, she said, "Got it."
I nodded, didn't say more, got on my bike, and rode on. I wasn't saying those things expecting a response. As long as she knew what I really thought, that was enough.
That afternoon after work, I went to the beach and surfed for a while. When I came ashore, I saw Casey arrive with Tommy. Tommy changed into his swim trunks, ran toward the water, and splashed through the shallows. She called out behind him to slow down, then sat down on the sand and pulled out a book from her bag.
I stood by a bench, drying my hair. Tommy ran over and stopped in front of me, tilting his head back to look up.
"Mister, are you surfing today?"
"Just finished."
He glanced at the ocean, then back at me. "Could you teach me to surf?"
I looked over at her. She was looking down at her book, but I knew she was listening.
"Your mom okay with it?"
He turned around and called out, "Mom, can he teach me?"
She lifted her head, looked this way. Her eyes paused on my face for a second, then she nodded. "Don't go out too far."
I took Tommy into the water, showed him how to lie on the board, and how to paddle forward when the wave came. He was serious, his little face tight, asking after every move if he did it right. I told him he did great. He broke into a grin.
After a while, he got tired. I carried him back to shore. He ran to her for water. I followed and stopped about six feet away.
She wiped the water off Tommy's face and glanced up at me.
"He's pretty focused," I said.
"Yeah. He loves the water."
Tommy wanted to play more after his drink. She said to rest a bit first. Tommy sat down next to me and started piling up sand. I sat down too and helped him build a castle.
The sun slowly dropped. The water started turning gold. She gathered her things and stood up, calling Tommy. Time to go.
Tommy ran over and took her hand. After two steps, he looked back at me. "Will you be here tomorrow?"
I stood up, glanced her way. She didn't say anything, just looked down and straightened Tommy's clothes.
"Yeah," I said.
Tommy was satisfied. He pulled her hand and walked forward. She never looked up, just held Tommy's hand and slowly walked away.
I stood there watching the sunset stretch their shadows long, all the way to the grass by the road.
About what I should do six years later, I think I know the answer now.
Chapter Fifteen
Paul
