I froze there. Voice hoarse. "Paul, let me go."
He didn't move.
"Let me go." I pushed against him hard. He still didn't move.
Megan had already stood up.
I bit down hard on his shoulder. He finally let go, stepped back, and looked at me. His lips moved. In the end, he said nothing. Turned and walked out the door.
Megan came over and sat beside me, pushed the hot chocolate back into my hands. "Finish this first. No rush to talk. I'm here."
When the hot chocolate was gone, Megan finally spoke. "Casey, that hug just now, did you think about forgiving him?"
I was silent for a moment. "Yes."
"Right," Megan said. "That's normal, Casey. Years of commitment don't get cut off with a few words. You still love him. Nothing strange about that. But loving someone and whether he's worth building a life with—those are two different things. You know that?"
"I know," my voice came small. "But knowing doesn't help. It still hurts."
"Yes. It hurts. No shortcuts. But Casey, what you said at the door tonight, what you told him—I heard it all. You know what? Those words were your clearest moment in three years. You finally said out loud what you knew but wouldn't admit."
I didn't speak. Suddenly, nausea surged up from my stomach without warning. I covered my mouth, stood up, rushed to the bathroom, knelt by the toilet, and started dry heaving.
My stomach was empty. Just acid. Heaved until tears came. My whole body shook.
When the dry heaving stopped, I sat on the cold floor leaning against the tub. Megan crouched beside me, holding back my hair, patting my back gently.
"How many times tonight?" she asked.
"Can't remember," I said. "Third or fourth time."
"Casey," Megan's voice suddenly turned serious. "When was your last period?"
"Over a week late," my voice got smaller. "I figured it was stress."
Megan was silent for two seconds. Then stood up. "Do you have one?"
"What?" I froze, then realized. "Under the sink. Bought it a few days ago. Haven't used it."
She crouched down, dug it out, put the pregnancy test in my hand, and sat down beside me. "Use it now."
Chapter Six
Casey
I swear, those three minutes were the longest three minutes of my life.
The bathroom exhaust fan buzzed overhead. Outside, Boston's winter wind howled, rattling the windows with an irritating hiss.
When the two red lines appeared, a wave of dizziness hit me hard. My hands gripped the cold tile counter without thinking.
"Okay," Megan spoke first, her voice strangely calm. "Casey, first thing, breathe."
I did as she said, mechanically. Then I started shaking.
A panic I'd never felt before washed over me. "Megan," I said. "What am I supposed to do?"
I leaned into her shoulder, couldn't speak, my mind spinning.
