Fireballs flew in every direction. I couldn’t have stopped them even if I tried. Which I didn’t. Because I was trying to save my face.
Flames erupted from both hands. One blazing ball shot through the drive-thru window. Another left a flaming scorch mark across the hand-carved, wooden Welcome to Marvelous Martha's sign. A third just narrowly missed Arthur's favorite potted fern, which would have broken his heart.
“Son of a ….whooooph!” I tried to yell at the exact moment my tailbone hit the hard, unforgiving parking lot with extreme prejudice.
Shudders racked my spine. My head felt as if it might blow off my shoulders. The palms of my hands had a case of road rash I just knew belonged in the medical books as an example of what NOT to do.
My mouth opened and out flew, “Wet Blanket!”
Blue, purple, and pink foam filled the air. Puffy clouds filled with bubbles and sparkles of every color of the rainbow zoomed in from every direction, blanketing all of my errant fireballs until there was nothing left but a few plumes of fuchsia smoke.
Rolling over and pushing onto my knees, trying to give my butt some relief, a flash to my left, then the appearance of a shapely silhouette through the wisps of smoke had me squinting. Realizing who it was, I was just about to holler out a welcome when her hand snapped up, followed by her index finger and a hushed, “Shhh…”
Her eyes went from one fluffy pile of foam to the other, then shot to me.
She looked towards my shop, where the Wolfhounds were engaged in an extensive and welcoming, butt-sniffing session to end all butt-sniffing sessions. Then her eyes shot back to mine.
Before I could say anything, she slowly turned in a complete circle, then nodded. “Okay.” Blinking and looking at me, she shook her head. “It only took me thirty-seven seconds to get here.” Shrugging, raising her hands and jutting her chin forward, she added, “What the hell happened?”
Because I knew that I was about to get another legendary talking to, and that she already knew what had happened because she was, well, the strongest Witch in the world aside from the Baba Yaga, I ignored her questions.
Moving faster than I had in at least a couple of centuries, I was up on my feet and marching toward the dogs in record time. Luckily, the new dog, the one that had caused me to fly ass-over-teakettle in my very own parking lot, did not have her nose shoved up one of my boys’ asses because I was on a mission.
Snatching the piece of cotton I knew belonged to my man from her teeth, I tried– and failed–not to accuse, badger, and demand as I accused, badgered, and demanded, “Where did you get this?” I shook the piece of Kais’ T-shirt in her face. “Where is Kai? What have you done with him? Answer me…!”
“Nooooooooooo!” Arthur howled. Pushing himself between the newcomer and me, his tune changed. “Mooooooona!”
“Who?” I snapped, looking into the big, soulful eyes of my furry buddy.
“Mona!” He pointed with the tip of his black nose. “She’s my sister.”
“Your what?”
“My sister.”
“Your actual sister?”
“Yes.”
More confused than the day I woke up to find DD breasts where my perfectly flat chest used to be and the Puberty Pixie standing at the end of my bed looking pleased and punch, I blurted out, “You mean one of the girls you went to obedience school with, and she’s looking you up for a reunion?”
“No, I mean we had the same parents, were born on the same day, and shared a teat.”
“Wait a minute.” I held up my hand, turning my head to the side, and narrowed my gaze. “The one who disappeared when you were a pup?"
“Yeah, yeah,” Arthur offhandedly mumbled, his nose under his sister’s tail.
Turning away, I waved in their direction. “Good. Good.” Nodding like one of the bobblehead dolls on the dashboard of Miss Maxine’s, the Mane Coon Shifter’s 1979 bright yellow Cadillac El Dorado. “Y'all go ahead and reconnect.” Taking a step towards Zelda, I added over my shoulder, “Just wipe your noses on your towels before you try kissin' me.”
Continuing my journey of four steps to properly greet my bestie, the toe of my bright pink tennis shoes hit the corner of a pile of Magical fire-extinguishing foam, and I was once again falling face-first toward the asphalt. Turning in midair, I was lucky enough to land on my left butt cheek, but the resulting aftershocks had me thinking I might just start living life on my ass.
And that’s when a shadow fell over my face. Looking up, I saw the smiling face framed with bright red hair that always made me feel better.
Before she could do more than chuckle, I sighed, “You gonna help me up, or do I need to call the Edwards Brothers?”
Zelda blinked. “Who?”
“The Edwards Brothers. They are twin Elephant Shifters, tow truck operators.” When she continued to stare, I kept going, “They've got a hydraulic lift capable of hoisting my ‘badacious’ booty back to standing position.”
