Honestly, just…fuck my life.
I mean fork. Fork it. I really have been trying not to curse.
“Sorry,” I say, fighting tears as I wave and force a tight smile. “We had a misunderstanding about television time. And Bella lost her ball, and I lost a battle with a bush. So, I was going to let them watch cartoons while I changed, but that went awry, and um…” I gulp in a breath, willing the stinging in my nose to stop. “And yeah. Sorry.”
I don’t know what I expect Dean to do—yell at me, maybe?
Fire me?
Ignore me while he gathers the girls and assures them that, as God as his witness, he’ll never let them be tempted by television before snack time, ever again?
But he does none of those things.
He just smiles, a sad, “been there, know what you’re going through” smile, and strides into the living room. A beat later he has Bella on one hip and Ava one the other, pressing kisses to their foreheads as they twine their arms around his neck. “Hey, guys, don’t worry. It’s going to be okay,” he says. “Sounds like you had a rough afternoon.”
“I kicked the ball too hard, Daddy,” Bella says. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” I say. “You kicked it like a soccer star. I think we just need to get you a heavier ball because you’re so strong.”
Dean pulls back to gaze into Bella’s face. “Is that true? Did you kick it like a soccer star?”
Tears drying and a tentative smile twitching at her lips, Bella nods. “Yeah. I kicked it super hard.”
“Wow,” Dean says, looking genuinely impressed. “Maybe we should get you on the school soccer team come springtime. Do you think you’d like to play soccer, Bell?”
Her eyes go wide as she nods faster. “Oh, yes, Daddy. Yes, I want to play soccer and run so fast!”
“I want to, too,” Ava says, though she seemed less excited about kicking balls than her sister was while we were out playing earlier. “Carmen from school plays soccer, and she’s my best friend.”
“Well, that settles it then,” Dean says with a nod. “We’re going to be a soccer family. I can’t wait to cheer for you guys as loud as you cheer for me.”
Both girls beam, looking so genuinely happy, it’s hard to believe they were distraught just a few seconds ago. Dean knew exactly what to say, what to do. He’s such a good dad. So good it makes me jealous, actually.
And horny.
The jealousy is logical—immature, but logical. My own father rarely knew what to say and never knew what to do. Even at twenty-four, I’m still a little bitter about that. Being envious of kids who have what I always wanted is okay. It’s not like I begrudge Bella and Ava their amazing dad; I just wish I’d had a slightly better one, myself.
The horny part is harder to understand.
Or explain.
When did I start finding stone-cold fathering skills hot?!
I don’t know, but I do.
And when Dean glances my way, asking in a softer voice, “Now, what do you girls think about giving Clover a hug? It looks like she could use a hug,” it’s all I can do not to start sobbing.
Sobbing and tingling and feeling things that I shouldn’t be feeling as they cross the living room, Bella and Ava both cheering, “Yes! Yes, Clover needs a hug.”
I lift my hands in front of me, waving them limply back and forth. “No, guys. Thank you so much, but I’m gross. Really, I’m—” I break off with anoomphas they envelope me in a tangle of Kate family limbs, laughing as Bella presses a sloppy kiss to my cheek and promptly declares, “Clover tastes like worms!”
“And how do you know what worms taste like?” Dean teases, wrapping us all up in a firm embrace that silently promises he’s here. That he’ll always be here. That their mother might be gone, but he’s not going anywhere. “Bella Katarina Kate, have you been eating earthworms when my back was turned?”
Bella giggles. “Yes!” She’s clearly lying, but having a fantastic time doing it, proving Dean’s parenting instincts continue to be spot-on.
His jaw drops in mock horror. “No! Bella! That’s gross.”
“Super gross,” Ava agrees, giggling. “Earthworms can give you rabies!”
