“What if I open my eyes and you’re gone?”
Yuri held him tight. “Sleep, Star. I’m right here.” He ran his fingertips down Star’s back in soft comforting circles. He was surprised when he woke to a burst of rain on the roof over their head blasting down with a sudden downpour. He hadn’t recalled falling asleep, but Star tucked in beside him breathed deep and even. Finally resting? Yuri held him and listened to the rain even though the room had lost a lot of light in the downpour.
Lucian paused outside the door, looking a little damp but with a slight smile tugging his lips. Theo buzzed down the hall behind him. They must have gotten caught in the rain. He hoped Radu was okay out there, but tucked his face back beside Star’s and breathed his other half in. He didn’t fall asleep again until he sensed Radu walk in the door downstairs. How he knew, he wasn’t certain, but Yuri sighed, relief filling him that all his men were safe and home. He couldn’t imagine a better place to be.
Part Five
Dance With Me
The laughter rose from outside as the sun set. Star sat in the dark corner of the living space, contemplating getting up to join them. They would welcome his company, and Yuri often begged for his presence, but Star hesitated.
The front door opened, and Raphael entered. The angel’s transformation made him look more like a seraph filled with rainbow colors and delicate bone structure. Pretty as seraphim often were, and it annoyed Star.
“Yuri asked me to check on you,” he said.
“I’m fine,” Star said. Of course he had. Yuri worried a lot.
“Uriel is very proud of the pergola he built. It’s pretty. Lots of flowers and space to dance underneath the trundles. Radu has been trying to teach all of your lovers to dance. You should join them now that it’s dark.”
It sounded exhausting to Star.
“You don’t want to dance with Yuri?” Raphael asked when Star didn’t move.
“I’ve only ever danced in dreams.”
Raphael perched on the top of the table near Star’s corner chair. Star swallowed back his irritation. “Does anything interest you in this lifetime?”
Star’s biggest fear permeated every part of his thoughts these days. Was there anything beyond the overwhelming strength of emotions? Sometimes he was desperate for Yuri, or to be held down by Radu, or even take control of Theo. Other days he feared what they expected of him, and since he could no longer hear them in his head, the mystery made his anxiety worse.
They all had things they found joy in outside of each other. Radu with art and music, Lucian reading and food, Theo gardening, and Yuri baking. How could he find something else to interest him when he had everything he needed and feared touching it would make it all shatter?
“Yuri,” Star answered.
“And?”
Star had nothing else. “What is Uriel doing?”
“Building. I suspect it’s the puzzle of the patterns that interests him. He struggles with emotion as well. But he’s easier for me to read. He stops, stares into the distance, and I can see him working things out. He also responds when I ask. I don’t know it all, but I try to help. I think you should let the others help you. Theo is worried about you, too,” Raphael added.
“I’m fine.”
“Overwhelmed by the onslaught of new emotions,” Raphael corrected. “Refusing to ask for help in managing and understanding what you feel and think.”
Star flinched.
“It’s one thing to instruct another on the varied facets of emotions, but to feel them yourself, all at once? I understand better than most.” Raphael sighed. “I’m thrilled to have Uriel back, but he’s struggling. I keep thinking, if I can’t help him, how can I help anyone? I am a healer. My heart leaps in joy at the idea of helping others.”
“I don’t need your help.”
Raphael studied him, not fooled for a minute. “What do you think will happen if you tell them you’re overwhelmed?”
“I don’t know.”
“Theo uses that phrase to think. But he turns to Lucian and asks for clarification. Sometimes Yuri or Radu as well. You and Theo have a lot in common. Do you trust the seraph?”
“And what will he think when he learns I teased him about things I couldn’t understand until now?” Star snapped. “Won’t he hate me?”
“Do you think he doesn’t know?” Raphael asked. “Theo isn’t blind to your storm of emotions.”
