“I love you, Star. If you need me to highlight something from the past and tell you I forgive you, or it doesn’t matter, tell me and I’ll do it.”
“Why would you forgive me? I did a lot of terrible things.”
Yuri had memories of some not-so-great things he’d done himself. Survival, pain, and fear brought out the worst in anything. Those dark bits had escaped in the beginning and refused to ever return to the hidden realms.
“In this lifetime?” Yuri wondered. “I don’t feel the same as the memories…” He didn’t know how to convey the difference,only that things from the past touched him like images on a screen from a movie he once saw.
“I am mortal too, now,” Star said. “But I remember it all. I was General Astarion for a few centuries. He was a soldier. I’m still him when I leave here.”
“Okay. What about things that bring you joy? Did you do anything as the general that brought you happiness?”
“Found you,” Star said, his voice wistful.
“Yes. I am here,” Yuri agreed. He put his arm around Star’s waist and guided him further into the room, surprised at how bare it was. Even the bed had little more than a single blanket and pillow on it. Maybe he rarely spent time in here. Yuri’s room, though he had only just arrived, was filled with blankets, soft pillows, shelves full of books, and fun trinkets they had all gathered for him. Maybe Star had been focused on that? “Do you spend a lot of time with Radu and Theo? Or even Lucian?”
“Not really.”
“Why?”
“I don’t feel worthy of them.”
Yuri thought about that and chewed his lip. “Will you come to my room and then help me with breakfast? I need to get some clothes.” He suspected anything that fit him would fit Star, though Star was a little leaner.
Star hesitated again.
“You don’t have to,” Yuri said.
“I want to. I just…” Whatever he wanted to add, he let fade away unspoken.
“Okay.” Yuri didn’t push Star for answers, but let go of his waist to reach down and grab his hand and guide him out of the dark, empty room, and down the hall to Yuri’s. His space, while the drapes were closed, allowed some light to glow through the windows. It wasn’t the massive hall of their shared bedroom,but small and cozy, filled with soft, warm, and bright things. “I forgot to ask who decorated in here?”
“Um, everyone, mostly,” Star said, lingering near the door as Yuri went to his dresser and picked out a pair of comfy jeans, boxers, and a T-shirt.
“Yeah? Anything in particular you added?”
“The blankets.” Star gazed at the bed.
They were soft, fluffy things with the texture of fur, though didn’t smell or feel like they’d been from animals. Some sort of fake fur, perhaps? Yuri ran his fingertips over the nearest one. “I love them. It’s like cuddling in a warm hug. Maybe you can nap with me in here later.”
Star blinked, emotions crossing his face that moved too fast for Yuri to read.
“No?” Yuri asked, careful.
“I don’t think everyone will fit in this bed. I could probably make this room bigger, but it might take a while. I share power to create this world with the others, Raphael, Uriel, and even Michael. If I pull from what we have to add size here it will make the space smaller and lose something else, like a tree or a lake or something…” He explained quickly.
“Don’t do that. The room is fine. Why would everyone need to fit if we are just having a nap?” Yuri wondered.
“Don’t you want them all with you?”
“Well, yes, but not every second of every day. Don’t you want to spend time with just Radu?”
Star winced.
Yuri sighed. He dug out a pair of soft leggings and a warm sweater, holding them out for Star. “I want you to be happy, Star. I know you feel things for Radu, Theo, and even Lucian. I’m okay with that. I want them to love you, too.”
Star took the stack of clothes, staring at them as though he’d never seen them before, but he wore a set of pajamas Yurithought must have been something Theo or Lucian had chosen for him. They were long-legged and long-sleeved with ravens all over them, but the background was teal. He hugged himself often either as a way to keep from touching everyone or because he was cold. Yuri hoped as time passed, Star would open up to him more.
“How can I accept other’s love…” Star whispered.
