He tilts his head.“None of us are stupid.”
My forehead wrinkles.“We have to put on an act.”
“Not sure tongue through the netting is necessary.”
I don’t know how to answer him.He has a point.“I think it’s just sexual tension that’s still between us.Plus, I mean, Goldie… I don’t know the last time I’ve gone this long.”
He shakes his head.While I didn’t always go home with women, the mine-to-Decker ratios were heavily in favor of my end over his every time we went out.
“Maybe that’s it,” he says, staring at the empty stadium in front of us.
“What is it you want to say, but aren’t?”
He turns to face me and sets his beer near his feet.“Listen… you put yourself in this position.You agreed to marry someone for an entire year and have her be your nanny.This isn’t something that you can just fuck up and move on, East.You have a son now, and he’s growing more and more attached to Hadley, especially since we’re in season and he’s spending a lot of time with her.”
“And she’s great with him.”
“She is.”He holds up his hands.“There’s no refuting that.We all thought for sure you two would be lost and fumbling your way through it.”
I open my mouth, but he continues.
“That’s not the case, and I know I’m not one to talk.Penelope and I moved fast.But I’ve loved her since I was a kid, and you fucked around with Hadley for two years without ever thinking about having a commitment with her.”
Again when I open my mouth, he cuts me off.
“Just make sure whatever you want to do is for therightreason—for everyone’s sake, but most of all Tanner’s.”
I release a breath and stare at the perfectly manicured field.It’s the one place in my life I don’t second-guess anything.I move on instinct and training and never question my decisions.Most of all, if I make a mistake, I wash it—but I can’t just wash it with Tanner or Hadley.
She’s doing more work than me in our arrangement.The only way being married to her affects me is I can’t fuck anyone else, and I’m lying to my family.Her schedule and life are completely different than before all this.She’s the one carrying us.
“I’m not saying it’s wrong to want her.Or even that feelings don’t change.But you’re a two-feet-first kinda guy, East, and in this situation, you gotta dip your toes.I know it’s not in your nature, but…”
He’s right.I’ve never tested the waters in my life.And I’m not sure Hadley has either, which is probably one of the reasons I’ve always felt this kinship with her.We were one and the same, but now that we’re attached to one another for a year, our relationship is changing.We’rechanging.
I can’t stop looking at her.Hell, seeing her with Tanner is complete torture.She loves him, I see it.Then the pretzel at the zoo, her wiping her finger on my chin.I wanted to take her finger and suck it.Not only do I want her in my bed more with every day that passes, but I discover something new I like about her every day too.
I’m quiet for a beat, lost in my head.
“Cute pics at the zoo.Hazel’s pissed you didn’t ask us to go.”
I roll my eyes.“I was going to?—”
“But you wanted to be alone with Hadley and Tanner?”His eyebrows raise.
I nod.
“I told Penelope as much.”
“And she said?”
“Are you kidding me?I swear all the women are ready to make her an honorary member of our group whether you do or don’t stay married to her.They love her.”
What’s not to love?She’s amazing.Isn’t that the exact reason why I’m up here right now?
Decker picks up his beer and tips it back, finishing it off.“You can always sleep with her and see.”
“Really?”I whip my head toward him, hopeful.
