I feel sick.
Dom’s waiting for me. “Dixie. Take a seat,” he says, gesturing to a chair before coming around to lean against his desk in front of me. “I asked Isla to join us, she’ll be here in a second, along with Rafe. Do you want to tell me what’s happening or should we wait for them?”
“We can wait,” I say nervously.
The door opens to reveal Isla, the new head of marketing, and Luca, the former owner. They’re together now, which is why Dom took over running the team so Luca wouldn’t be dating his employee.
“What’s going on?” Isla asks as Luca closes the door behind them.
Thank fuck, Dom answers for me. “Dixie’s got something to share, we were just waiting for everyone to get here so he only has to say it once.”
There’s another knock, but without waiting for an answer, Rafe walks in, coming straight to my side and crouching down. “Dix? What’s up? You okay?”
This is it. Once I say this, once I verbalize it to other people in my life, it’s real. I mean, I know it already is, but there’s really no going back as soon as I put the words out into the world myself.
But maybe I’ve been keeping too many secrets for too long. Maybe it’s time I tell them my whole truth.
“I’m okay, but…” I pause and take a shaky breath. “Fuck. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this. I didn’t…I never…”
“What is it, Dixie? Just say it,” Rafe says firmly.
I look at him. I’m sure he can see the overwhelm etched across my face.
“I’m gonna be a dad.”
The room is so silent you could hear a pin drop. It’s now or never. If I’m going to tell them everything, share my story for the first time in eight years, it might as well be now.
“The reason I never played college ball or went pro isbecause my parents died in a car crash almost eight years ago, and I had to step in and raise my younger siblings. It was hard, but we made it. And now they’re good, in university, and I’m here. And I’m freaking out, because the season just started, and I want to play ball. Fuck, I need to play ball. It’s who I am, it’s all I know.”
It’s hard to breathe. I have to focus on the action, to draw air into lungs that currently feel like they’re caving in. I can’t look at anyone’s face; I don't want to see pity there when I don’t need it.
“I never thought about having kids of my own, kinda figured that was it for me with the parenting gig. But this is happening. I just found out a girl I was with a couple months ago is pregnant. I don’t know what to do with babies. I was grossed out by the twins when they were born because I was eight and I just wanted to hang out with my friends. And holy shit. I’m having a kid.”
I drop my head into my hands, all of a sudden feeling lightheaded.
Back home, our town was small enough that word spread quickly, and everyone knew what had happened to the Dixon family.
Aside from the therapist the twins and I went to, I’ve never once had to tell anyone what happened. My aunt and uncle took care of contacting the college I was meant to attend. At the twins’ school, everyone that needed to know already knew, and I was able to retreat behind a wall I built without even realizing it. A protective wall that allowed me to pretend I didn’t feel any resentment over having to give up my dreams, and that I wasn’t so goddamn angry at my parents for dying and leaving mein charge of the twins when my own life was meant to be just beginning.
But now I’ve told my story. The short version, at least. And I’m totally unprepared for how to handle whatever reactions my new employers might have.
“Dixie, breathe.” Rafe’s voice penetrates my chaotic haze, and I lift my head, my eyes unfocused, not really seeing him. “That’s it. Breathe, kid.”
I do as he says, sucking in several deep breaths.
“Brady, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through.” Isla’s soft voice filters in next, and I feel her hand on my shoulder.
“It takes a strong man to step up like that,” Rafe says gruffly.
I blink at them, my vision clearing.
“And I can tell it took a lot of courage to tell us. Thank you for trusting us with your story,” Dom says solemnly.
My head tilts down in a quick nod.
“As for the news about a baby, well…” Rafe clears his throat and gives me a small, rueful grin. “Believe it or not, you’re not the only person in this room to be taken by surprise by a kid at some point in their lives.”
Isla snorts a laugh from behind me. “That’s for darn sure. Try finding out you’re pregnant at seventeen.”
