His smug tone of voice is tinged with so much joy, I can’t help but smile in return. Settling back into my chair, I make myself relax under the warmth of the patio heater.
A hand brushes against the back of mine, fingers lightly grazing. I look over, but his eyes are still closed, and he’s just smiling up at the evening sky. But he keeps brushing his fingers back and forth across my hand.
I’m here,his action seems to say.I’ve always been here, waiting for you.
On his next pass, my hand reaches out and takes hold of his. Iweave our fingers together for the first time, holding hands with him as maybe something more than just friends.
His eyes flutter open and he looks over at me, that little smile deepening. “So,” he says. “What was that all about this morning? Not that I’m complaining, in case that wasn’t clear, but I feel like I need to hear you tell me what it meant.” His hand tightens on mine ever so slightly. “You kissed me, Lark.”
I swallow down a sip of beer, reaching for the courage to vocalize what I need to say. Not that I feel like I need it, not anymore. I’m pretty sure I know how this is going to go. But that doesn’t fully erase the tiny kernel of fear deep inside me. Is this going to change everything? For the better or for the worse?
“Yeah, I did. And I’m sorry that I disappeared right after, but I didn’t come over this morning expecting to kiss you. It was… I don’t even know how to explain it. Something came over me, something instinctual and a little bit impulsive. I just knew in that second, I had to kiss you.”
He sits up and pivots, his feet coming to the floor. He braces his elbows on his knees, and leans over into my space, closing the distance between our two chairs. “I can understand that,” he says in a low voice. “I’ve been fighting that impulse for years.”
Dan’s confession warms me from the inside. Hearing him finally put it into words that hewants me.
“I know I was kind of oblivious, but I truly had no idea how you felt,” I say honestly, looking down at the amber bottle of beer in my hand. Beer that Dan keeps in his fridge just for me. The same way I know he has tampons under his bathroom sink and my favourite brand of licorice in his pantry. He’s been showing me how he feels in little ways since day one, and Imissed it. “I think I had blinders on because of Baron. It seems everyone else knew how you felt about me, except for me.” I pick at the label on my beer and decide I need to ask the one thing I really want to know. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
His laugh is not a light one, and it’s not an amused one. It’s tinged with pain and regret, and I hate it.
“Come on, Birdie, what was I meant to do? Tell you that you should break up with the guy you had been with for years, long before you ever met me, and go out with me instead? Why the heck would I do that? You seemed happy, and I wasn’t about to break up something that was making you happy.”
Except I wasn’t happy. But I don’t tell him that. There’s no sense in adding to his regret.
“But now,” he says, his voice growing stronger. “Now, there’s nothing in my way. There’s nothing to come between us. You kissed me, and tonight, I kissed you. Does that mean as much to you as it does to me?”
I nod slowly, my lips curving up at the corners “It does. It means everything. But I have to be honest, Dan. I’m scared. You’re one of my closest friends, and I don’t know what I would ever do if I lost you. As much as I want to explore whatever this is going on between us, I can’t help but worry. What if it doesn’t work out? Not only do we work together, but…” I trail off. Of everything I’ve said tonight, what I’m about to say might be the hardest words to get out. My voice drops to a whisper, but I force myself to look him in the eye. “You could break my heart more than anybody else in this world.”
His hand lets go of mine, only to cup my cheek. Those beautiful brown eyes stare straight into mine and I feel like I can seeto the depths of his soul. Everything he is, is laid bare.
“Lark, I swear to you, if you give me your heart, I will never do anything intentionally to hurt it. You mean more to me than anything, almost more than baseball.” He chuckles. “And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we don’t regret it if we take things to the next level. I was prepared to only ever be your friend, and just because there’s now a chance of more doesn’t mean I’m going to risk losing you.”
I lean into his hand, turning slightly to press a kiss to his palm. His confident reassurance is like a soft blanket, soothing and settling my fears. Feeling brave, I push up from my lounge chair, and stand in front of him. For a moment, he just looks up at me, confused, until I give him a gentle smile. Realization dawns on him and he lies back on his chair, widening his legs, making room for me to sit and lean back against his chest.
His arms slowly move to circle me. “Is this okay?” he asks, sounding oddly tentative. I nod, and his hands settle on my body.
“You can breathe, Dan,” I say teasingly, and his chest rapidly rises and falls under me as he laughs.
“Right. Sorry.”
We lie like that for a minute, and I catalogue every sensation. His hard chest underneath me, the strength of his arms holding me, and something else growing firmer against the base of my spine.
I shift slightly, and he grunts.
“Sorry,” I whisper, secretly grinning to myself. It’s been a very,verylong time since Baron and I had sex, and from the feel of things, Dan has got some fun equipment hiding under thosejeans.
“No, I am. I can’t…I can’t control it around you.” Embarrassment tinges his tone and I shift, twisting slightly so I can look up at him.
“It’s okay,” I say quietly, covering his hands with mine. “I mean, I think I’d be more worried if you didn’t have some kind of a reaction.” I laugh nervously. “It’s been a long time since I…you know. And um, well, you’re not the only one whose body is thinking of moving faster than we probably should.”
Dan chokes out a pained laugh, and I frown. “What? Was that funny?”
“No, no.” He moves under me, and yeah, he’s packing. “It’s just, you say it’s been a long time.” I feel and hear his long, quiet exhale. “But I can promise you, it’s been longer for me.”
Confused, I don’t respond right away. “Long as in, a few months?” I eventually ask, laughing self-deprecatingly. “Because sad as it may sound, it’s been at least that long for me. Baron wasn’t exactly an enthusiastic guy in bed. Andthatis the last I’ll say about that.”
Dan makes a noise, a strange one, and when I once again twist to look at him, his cheeks are flushed and his gaze is darting all over the place. Everywhere but toward me.
