Even so, we take a loss.
The locker room is subdued. Thankfully, no one comes at me for my shit performance. Guess they heard Coach yelling at me earlier and figured that was enough. It’s not; I deserve all their anger and disappointment.
As I’m walking out to my car, Ronan jogs up beside me. “Mav. Hold up.”
I don’t slow my steps. “Not interested, Sin.”
He grabs my arm and I spin around, fists clenched. “Seriously. I don’t wanna talk.”
He folds his arms across his chest and stares at me. “Too fucking bad. You’re lucky it’s just me out here and not everyone else.”
Great. Here it comes. I knew it was too good to be true that no one yelled at me in the locker room. Guess they were saving it for now.
“I played like shit. I know. It’s the yips. I’ll figure it out,” I bark.
“It’s not the yips. The others can think it is, but you and I know it’s not that.” His voice is deadly calm. “Willow told me about you and Sadie. I’m sorry, man, I know you really liked her.”
My heart stops. Fucking grinds to a halt right there in the parking lot as I wait to see what elseWillow told him.Because there’s only one person she would have heard anything from. And it’s the woman I thought would never betray me by spilling my secrets.
Was I really that wrong?
“She asked me if I knew what happened because Sadie’s keeping quiet about it. Guess all she said was that things didn’t work out, and she refused to say more. So I’m asking. Is there more? Do you need anything from me, from us? Because no matter what you fucking think, you’re not alone. The guys, we’ve got your back, Mav.”
Well, fuck.
That’s not what I was expecting him to say. “I’ll be fine,” I reply gruffly, unable to think of any other response. “Gotta go.” I push past him, reaching my car and climbing in without looking back.
But the entire drive back to my cold, dark, lonely-as-fuck apartment, I can’t stop thinking…
What have I done?
Rolling over in bed the next morning, my hand lands on the pillow next to me just as it has every morning since I last slept with Sadie. The smell of her shampoo has faded, but I can’t bring myself to wash it.
When it became clear last night that Sadie hadn’t betrayed my trust, hadn’t told anyone anything about what really went down between us, something cracked inside of me.
She didn’t spill my secrets, but I didn’t trust her not to. If anything, that one fact has me tied up in knots.
It doesn’t take a genius, or even someone experienced in relationships, to know that without trust, you’ve got fuck all. So maybe this is the proof I need that I did the right thing by pushing her away before we got any deeper.
I don’t have to be at the stadium until the afternoon, leaving me aimless and with too much time and space to get caught up in my thoughts this morning.
Grabbing a few items from the fridge, I cross the hall and knock, then open Ralph’s door. “Hey, old man, you up for some breakfast?” I call out when I don’t see him in the living room.
I head to the kitchen and start chopping ingredients for an omelet.
“What are you doing here, it’s not Saturday,” he grumbles as he shuffles down the hall. “Where’s that girl of yours? She makes good coffee.”
I hide my wince. “She’s not coming, man. We’re not seeing each other anymore.”
I can feel the weight of his stare. “You screwed up, boy.”
All I can do is nod. Then I turn to the stove and start cooking. “Make yourself useful and get the coffee going.”
“Won’t be as good as hers,” Ralph mutters under his breath as he slowly makes his way around the kitchen, pulling down two mugs and the instant coffee from a shelf and putting water on to boil.
Soon we’re sitting down and eating. The food is tasteless in my mouth. I make myself finish and clean up the dishes. “I gotta go get ready for practice. See you later,” I say woodenly. Ralph stares at me, and I know he can see right through me, but thankfully, he doesn’t say anything.
Back at my apartment, I change into some workout clothes before heading out for a run around the city. But once I get back, I’m no more settled than I was before. After a shower and a protein shake, I lean against the counter and stare at my couch, where Sadie spent so many days working. Trapped here because of me and the dumb as fuck idea Colin had, to make her pretend to date me.
