“Okay, you’re cut off.” Ali giggles, rolling her head to the side to look at me. “But I bet it was good. He looks like he’d be good with his bat and balls.”
We both dissolve into laughter at that, and it takes a while to calm down. But once I have a little bit of control, I look at her,feeling morose. “It was really good. Like, home run every time good.” Ali snorts, but I’m on a roll. “He hit it out of the park. Rounded all the bases. Handled his wood really well.”
“Oh my God!” Ali starts cackling and I let myself go, joining her. It feels better to laugh instead of cry, which is the only other option right now.
Thanks, tequila.
I wake up the next morning confused. This isn’t Maverick’s bed, with pillows soft as clouds yet somehow still supportive. And it definitely isn’t him beside me.
“Ali?” I mumble, cringing when I get a whiff of my hangover breath. “Oh man. I hate tequila.”
With a groan, I drag myself out of bed as Ali starts to stir. Stumbling into my dingy bathroom, I brush my teeth and try to run a comb through my hair, giving up half way through and pulling it back into a messy bun. By the time I stagger back into the bedroom, Ali’s sitting up blinking at me with bleary eyes.
“That’s the last time we drink that much tequila,” I say, pointing a finger at her and frowning.
“Whatever. You needed some oblivion last night.” She rolls out of bed, somehow shaking off the effects of last night a lot easier than me.
I make my way into the tiny kitchen and turn on the coffee maker. Looking around the sad apartment, a wave of sorrow hits me. Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I lean againstthe counter, remembering the last time I was here. The night Maverick insisted I was moving in with him.
When Ali reappears, I stare at her. “I want to move out of here.”
She simply nods. “I don’t blame you, this place is gross.”
“It was the best I could do when everything went bad with Dirk,” I say defensively. But apparently, Ali’s not going easy on me today.
“No, it wasn’t. You could have stayed with your parents or with me, but you wanted to get into a place of your own. You settled. Just like you did with Dirk, and with so many other things. You don’t think you deserve nice things, to be happy, to live the lifeyou want to live. That’s why you keep ending up in crappy apartments and crappy relationships. Because you get so focused on keeping everyone else happy, and then you settle for less yourself. You forget how long I’ve known you. And I know Sienna and Simon took a lot of the attention when you were kids, and you were happy to let them. But somewhere along the way, you turned that into a reason to believe you weren’t as important as them. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else.”
The beep of the coffee maker gives me an excuse to turn away from her harsh truth, so similar to what Maverick said last night. But once I have a steaming mug in my hand and have passed another to her, I’ve come up with a reply. One that doesn’t exactly address everything she’s saying, but it’s a start.
“What’s so wrong with wanting everyone around me to be happy?” I blow across the steam coming from my mug. “I like taking care of people.”
“Yeah, but you forget rule number one. Put your own oxygen mask on first. You use up all your energy on everyone else and leave nothing for yourself. That’s not healthy, Sadie. And that’s not going to change until you figure out what you want and you go get it.”
I take a sip of coffee. “The problem is, I want a man who doesn’t want me back.” My heart physically hurts saying it. “I can’t put my needs first. Because all I’ll get is heartbreak.”
Ali comes up beside me and rests her head on my shoulder. I let mine fall on top of hers and we stand like that for a minute.
“I’m sorry, Sadie.”
“I know.”
Straightening, I push off the counter and look around the crappy apartment. “But if I can’t have him, I can at least have a better apartment.” Turning to look at her, I raise my eyebrows. “Want to help me find somewhere to live?”
Ali’s face breaks into a grin. “I’ve got an even better idea.” She drains her coffee cup and sets it down before continuing. “Wanna be roomies?”
“Your place is tiny, Ali,” I protest.
“I know it is. And my lease is up next month. You can move into my place until then and we can find a two bedroom to share. Who needs men? Chicks before dicks.”
I let out a laugh as I consider her idea. Part of me rebels. Just like the hug last night, she’s ultimately not who I want to be with. But it’s a smart plan. Together we can afford something a hell of a lot nicer than this. And having her around all the time will help me get over Maverick a lot faster.
“Let’s do it.”
Against my better judgment, we end up at an upscale wine bar with Willow and Lark that night. I had no desire to go out, but when Willow’s message came through, Ali saw it and insisted we go.
Which is how I landed here, sitting at a high-top table with my best friend and two women who work with my ex…whatever Maverick was to me.
Willow, being remarkably perceptive, figured out something was wrong as soon as we walked into the bar.
