Unless…I didn’t have to do it alone.
Instead of replying to Colin, I switch over to a different message thread and hover my thumbs over the keyboard, trying to decide what to write. How to ask without it sounding weird. Up until now, Colin arranged all of our “dates,” with the exception of her asking me to the wedding.
If she can do that, I can do this.
MAVERICK: Hey. Are you free Tuesday night? I’ve got a dinner with some people from one of my endorsements. Colin was meant to come but can’t now.
I hit send before I have time to second-guess what I wrote. Rereading it, I cringe a little. It sounds cold, but then again, that’s what I need. To keep it clear this is all part of our deal, and not me wanting her by my side simply because she, too, makes it easier.
Chapter fifteen
Sadie
Maverick has been full radio silence since the message Sunday night, asking me to attend this dinner. I replied that I would come, and then that was it. Nothing more except a time and location.
I agonized all day over what to wear, almost breaking down and messaging Willow for advice. But in the end, I remembered his reaction to my purple dress on the weekend and decided to be brave once again. Tonight I’m wearing a deep royal blue blouse and pants that are tighter than I usually would wear, and while the outfit is nowhere near as revealing as the cocktail dress from the weekend, it’s still a bold choice for me.
As I do my makeup and hair, I stare at myself in the mirror. I’ve never given much thought to my appearance. Part of fading into the background was simply choosing comfortable and functional clothes, not caring too much for style. There were other things that seemed more important, like doing well in school, making everyone around me happy, and maintaining control over my life to ensure things moved in the right direction.
Only, I never stopped to think about where that direction was headed. And now, with so much of my life in shambles, where is that control? What even are my priorities anymore? And why do I need to stay in the background? My siblings and I are all grown adults, living our own lives. Who’s to say I can’t step out of the shadows and live my life for myself.
Of course, who would have ever imagined that living my own life would include fake dating a professional baseball player.
The longer I look in the mirror, the more I come to face the truth I’ve been reluctant to admit. Ever since I caught Dirk in bed with another woman, I’ve felt adrift. It’s not that he was the love of my life and I’m devastated and lost without him. It’s more that our relationship was a tether I didn’t realize was holding me down. Until that tether was gone. And maybe I’m a little afraid of what I might find if I look too closely at myself and try to open up to what I want out of life.
What if the fulfilling career, respectable husband, and happy family in a perfect-looking life isn’t what I want like I thought it was? That’s the life I believed I was working toward with Dirk, and now I don’t know if that’s actually what I ever wanted, or if that’s just what I believed Ishouldwant.
How much of my life, decisions, and actions were because I did what I thought I should do, instead of what I wanted to do?
My stomach flip-flops at this overwhelming question that doesn’t have a clear answer. Right now, with less than an hour before I have to be at the restaurant to meet Maverick, is hardly the time for an existential life crisis. With one final check of my lip stain, I decide I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
The sounds my car is making when I pull into the restaurant parking lot are a little concerning, but again, not something I can deal with right now. I get out of my car and see Maverick waiting by the door. Aware that anyone could be watching, and only a little bit because I want to, I walk over to him, lift up on my toes, and press a kiss to his cheek. “Hi,” I murmur as his hand lands on my lower back.
“Hi, Specs,” he says, a small, surprised-but-in-a-good-way, I think, smile on his face. He guides me inside, keeping his hand firmly in place. We’re shown to a table for four, but no one else is there yet. Maverick pulls out my seat, and as I sit down, his hands land on my shoulder and he leans down. “You look beautiful.”
He takes the seat next to me and I face him. “You haven’t told me much about tonight. Who are we shmoozing?”
The short laugh that escapes him makes me inwardly cheer. But my question was a serious one. I need to know more about what we’re doing tonight because I feel woefully unprepared.
“Just two guys from one of my sponsors, Maximum Velocity Activewear. We meet up whenever they’re in town. They like to wine and dine their athletes.”
I nod slowly. “You said Colin normally comes with you?”
Maverick’s jaw clenches. “Yeah. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not normally good at theshmoozing, as you call it,” he says wryly. “Colin’s good at charming them while I sit here and just nod along.”
A waiter comes by to take our drink orders, and I start to order a glass of wine, then stop. “Actually, take his order first,” I say pleasantly, my eyes skimming the cocktail menu. Maverickorders a sparkling water and then turns to me, his arm reaching across the back of my chair, his thumb landing on the bare skin just above the collar of my blouse. My breath catches as my brain goes fuzzy.
“White wine. Pinot grigio please,” I stutter out, closing the menu and giving it to the waiter. How does one small touch undo me?
Maverick leans in again, and I stifle a moan at the fresh scent that after two days of sharing a living space, I will forever associate with him and nothing else reaches me. “If you want a cocktail instead of your usual wine, you should get one. Live a little, Specs.”
Before I can think of a response, or question how he knows my usual drink of choice is wine, or that I was truly considering something else before he scrambled my ability to think with that thumb on my back, a tall man with a significantly large belly walks up.
“Mav fucking King, my man!” He grabs Maverick’s hand, pumping it up and down.
My eyes widen because it’s his injured side, but Maverick’s face is impassive, showing no sign of discomfort.
“Hey, Chip. This is my girl Sadie. Hope you don’t mind she’s joining us.”
