“Thanks, Doc,” I reply sarcastically.
One by one, the guys settle around me, handing out beers and pizza. For a few minutes, the conversation just flows around me, and I’m just fine staying out of it. But the inevitable is coming, it’s just a matter of time.
“So. You ready to tell the class how you fucked-up?”
To my surprise, it’s Hunter that asks. I raise my eyebrows at him, but he just pushes back the floppy piece of hair over his forehead and grins.
“Hey, I’m just speaking from experience. Statistics show it’s most often the dude that fucks things.”
“What statistics are those?” I ask.
He gestures to the group of us. “The statistics of all of us versus our relationships.”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” I say, but I feel my face starting to soften into a small smile. Hunter’s got a way about him that always makes you feel good. He’s basically a golden retriever puppy in a police uniform. But he’s got his own personal wounds buried inside, wounds that our sister Kat has helped him start to heal from. He’s a good dude. And I’m proud to call him a brother.
“Okay, stats or no stats, the fact that you’re here, all broody, which is normally Jude’s MO, while Cam is somewhere else, says something happened. Spill, Beck.”
Jude punches Sawyer, then nods at me. “Spill.” He gives me a meaningful glance, and I know he’s pushing me to tell them everything.
I look around the room and suddenly I want nothing more than to unburden myself of it all. The lies, the heartaches, the fears, all of it. I keep everything inside as a general rule because I’m used to blending into the background in my family.
I’m not the hotshot firefighter, the hockey star, or the doctor. I’m a fucking accountant. I’m content to be the quiet one, I don’t need the attention or fame, but that’s also led to me keeping myself apart — maybe too much.
Time to man up and be vulnerable. Taking a deep breath, I start. “So Cam and I are technically married.”
By the time I finish, the guys are looking at me with a mixture of shock, amusement, and determination.
“I knew you’d be the first one to get married,” Max jokes. “You’ve always been the romantic. But if Heidi comes at me for not proposing sooner, I’m blaming you.”
I give him a shaky grin, still running the adrenaline high of telling my brothers everything. “Sorry man, I can honestly say I never imagined beating you down the aisle. Or in my case, hallway.”
The guys all chuckle, and I relax back in my chair, picking up my now lukewarm beer and taking a sip with a grimace. “I need another.”
Leo stands up, gesturing for the bottle. “On it. And while I’m doing drinks, you need to start figuring out how to fix this mess. Because one thing I know from personal experience is that leaving your girl alone while she’s going through emotional shit is not a good idea.”
“He’s right, Beck. You need to go to Manitoba,” Jude says quietly. “You’ve given her space like she asked, but I’m willing to bet Cam isn’t the type to realize when that space becomes the total opposite of what she wants.”
I look over at him, taking in the look of regret etched across his face and know he’s thinking back to how he was when he first moved back home. He retreated in on himself, pushing everyone away as he, for lack of a better word, wallowed in his pain. It was Lily who successfully pulled him out of it and made him realize being alone was not what he needed — or really wanted.
“What if I get there and she tells me she’s changed her mind?” I ask, ripping away any pretense of confidence and letting my deepest fear show. “She’s stubborn, and independent, and so fucking defensive of her heart. What if despite everything we’ve shared, this time apart makes her realize she can do it alone, and she doesn’t need me.”
“You don’t want her to need you, Beck. You want her towantyou. Trust me, bro, there’s a big difference,” Hunter chimes in, his usually jovial tone somber. “Needing someone, depending on them for your happiness, that’s where it starts to go wrong. She’s gotta find that happiness within herself. But wanting someone in your life because they make it better, because they make you better; that’s the golden ticket.”
“It’s a subtle difference, but an important one. I had to figure out I could be happy here in Dogwood Cove, I could find a life outside of hockey, all by myself. But knowing Lily would be a part of that life? Made it a done deal.”
Max nods at Jude. “Exactly. We love our women not because we need them, but because we want them. We want to give them all the peace, comfort, and happiness they give us. Sure, we could find that shit on our own, but it’s so much richer because they’re with us. Its not about depending on each other for those things, it’s about willingly giving and taking. It’s a partnership. If Cam figures out she doesn’t need you to be happy, that’s a fucking good thing. Because then she’s free to realize just how much shewantsyou.”
I take the ice-cold beer Leo hands me and swallow half of it down, letting the cool liquid settle in my stomach. I’ve spent so long just wanting Cam to let me be there for her. From helping her move back to Manitoba, to giving her reasons to get out of that damn town each year, to fucking marrying her and moving her into my house.
I’ve spent years wanting her to need me, desperately hoping that would be enough to make her realize we were meant to be together.
I never stopped to think about the fact that what I truly wanted was not to be needed, but to bewanted.
“It’s annoying when you guys are right,” I comment drily, taking another sip of beer.
The guys all grin except for Sawyer. He’s still got a slightly troubled frown on his face. “I know I’m the odd man out here. I’m the last one you should be looking to for relationship advice, and I know I fucked-up before when I told you not to be an idiot and fall for Cam. But Beck, look at what happened. You fell for her. You told her you loved her. And she left. Isn’t that… Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Silence falls over the room. I look around at my brothers and cousin but get nothing from their expressions. Nothing that says if they agree with Sawyer or not.
